#-lazarus

[soulsofsolace]

I am not doing well mentally. At all.

Nana just died and I can't even grieve about that because my aunt is being beaten and choked daily, and my cousin has to deal with it.

She's going through the same horrifying shit that I had to growing up and I'm so fucking angry about it. Once again our shitty ass family failed a kid. A kid that didn't get a childhood. If anything I'm at least relieved that she's older than we were. She didn't have to deal with this specific abuse until her teens. It started at 8 for us.

Maybe she'll be able to heal easier. At least I hope so... That kid deserves the world. Hopefully us moving to NY will help. She lives a few hours from where we're going to be moving.

I hope we get to move soon. I'm so tired. All of this happening at once just made everything worse. That and my therapist has covid so I can't have therapy until next week. I really needed it this week.

I'm tired.

-Lazarus

[soulsofsolace]

I uh, also have a fiancé and two boyfriends now. I've been dating Echo since April 2019, we got engaged May of this year. I've been friends/fwb with Juda since 2020, we started dating yesterday. Ethan and I have been friends/fwb since April of this year, and we started dating today. I'm dating all three of my boys, and they're also dating each other now too. Pretty cool, haha. I think we make a good quadrouple. ❤

-Lazarus

[soulsofsolace]

I hate periods.

[soulsofsolace]

Moving out tomorrow! Packing like crazy and tryna organize in less than a days time. Man am I anxious, but also excited. Got my two boys, and a great partner to go through this new chapter of our life. Fuck yeah ✊😄

[soulsofsolace]

I just want to be there for my friends but I don't even have the energy to move.

[soulsofsolace]

TW: Abuse (all types). This is just a rant post read if you want but its for us to look back on.

These dumbasses are going on a denial spiral and I'm pissed. So I'll write some stuff out to remind them and myself that we are valid.

From birth (literally) to now we went through trauma.

From 0-4 we had all sorts of abuse from bio dad.

Then abuse at home from mom and step dad drinking and fighting.

Moved to P.A and had druggies alcoholics in our house.

Neglect from mom.

The babysitter. Need I say less.

All the homelessness.

Couch hopping.

Mom being beat bloody all the time. The screaming. The drinking. Begging her to wake up.

Being kidnapped.

All the medic trauma. The surgeries. Forced sedations. Being burned with acid. Mom leaving us alone in the hospital so she could go to the bar.

2016. That is all I'm saying on that.

Mother's constant emotional abuse. Father's emotional abuse. The constant lack of stability.

So don't you EVER think thar we aren't valid. This shit I wrote down was a tiny goddamn portion of our fucking life. @Headmates for the love of G-d, please see that we are the way we are because of this. Just accept that we had a shitty childhood and move on.

Move. On.

We have each other and our husband. We can and will get through all of this. Together.

[soulsofsolace]

This fucking town loves guns and I was minding my own goddamn business while Riley was fronting with Will, but these fucking neighbors HAVE to shoot their fucking guns @12am.

So now I'm out with a skipping heart and stress sweating. I'm irritable. I'm scared. Poor Will in my partner system has to deal with me.

Fuck wars and fuck guns.