happy birthday.

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happy birthday.
i made a bunch of new friends somehow
so basically, probably like 60 days ago or something, i was playing brookhaven at like midnight bc i was bored and hadnt played it in years yk? anyways i somehow became friends with this random girl called Jordan, this dude called Darrel and this other dude called Kash. Kash randomly unfriended all of us tho, like how rude. and a few days later we always became friends with this dude called Owen 52 days ago, Ava 46 days ago and Frankie 28 days ago. but yh we just did like a bunch of random stuff idrk. I havn't played with Jordan in ages though and its so sad because we became like besties. Then me and Darrel were playing a while ago and we became friends with this dude called Zac and he always asks for my snap but i keep saying "maybe another time" and i lowkey feel really bad but yeah. I also havn't played with Owen in ages and me and him used to always play horror games together at like midnight lol. i also havn't played with Zac or Ava in ages, I play with darrel pretty much every day though, same with Frankie. I then became friends with one of Frankies friends, Chloe. i dont think she really likes me but that another story (if you guys want to know then tell me in the comments). Anyways, about 8 days ago i became friends with 1 of darrels friends Madz and his sister Jarret i think shes called. For the past few nights its been me, darrel, madz and jarret and one night i randomly started saying a bunch of quotes i found on pinterest and for some reason it was making chloe really mad but she didnt tell me why so i kept saying them and Darrel said he liked them because hes so awesome sauce (no i do not like him like that). but yeah i just say a bunch of random quotes until i decided to leave and go to sleep. But yeah the gang went from me, Jordan, Owen, Darrel, kinda frankie idrk and idk who else to now basically me, darrel, madz and jarret. Oh and i also made nicknames for some of them: Jordanella Umbrella, Frankensteinsaurus, Zacaroni Macaroni, Ava is Lil muffin queen (dont ask) and Darriette Barrel Unicornette Lemonette Awesome Sauce. now i have a bunch of friends that no one else knows about and they are lowkey better than some of my other 'friends' at schoo and some how ive opened up to them about so mch more stuff than i have to people in real life.
Thử một lần uống say nhưng thật ra vẫn còn tỉnh.
Mất ngủ...
Hôm qua vừa chạy xe trong mưa vừa bật khóc nức nở. Nước mưa tạt vào mặt, cứ như thể có bao nhiêu nước mắt thì cũng chẳng sợ ai thấy mình đang khóc.
Nghe nói mình vẫn còn uống được. Muốn thử một lần uống say quên trời đất nhưng lại quá lý trí.
Say rồi thấy mình yếu đuối lạ thường. Chắc do mưa. Chắc do say. Chắc do buồn...
Mười năm rồi. Nếu khi xưa không khóc vì ba thì có lẽ sẽ chẳng đau thương như lúc này.
Có hối hận vì thương người không?
Mình hối hận vì tự dằn vặt bản thân quá lâu. Người thương mình là chàng trai 17 tuổi, mãi mãi dừng lại ở quá khứ, chàng trai 27 tuổi lại chẳng thuộc về mình...
Đó là hai người khác nhau, hoàn toàn khác. Chàng trai 17, làm gì cũng sợ mình tổn thương, sợ mình khóc, chưa có gì trong tay nhưng vẫn cố gắng che chở mình trước mọi giông bão. Chàng trai 27, biết rõ mình còn thương nhưng vẫn luôn tìm mọi cách tổn thương mình. Mình vẫn luôn biết, nhưng mình vẫn luôn không chấp nhận sự thật này...
Why am i not even trying to sleep?!
Un pedacito de tu alma
Me gustan esas charlas espontáneas, perderme con alguien mientras que caminamos sin rumbo alguno, o simplemente estamos sentados, mientras te escucho hablar sobre tu vida: Me gusta conocer a la gente, soy muy curioso, demasiado, si me interesas, puedo escucharte hablar sobre vos, sobre tu infancia o tu vida cotidiana, sobre los recuerdos que tenes, sobre qué te hizo ser la persona que sos, esas anécdotas o situaciones que te marcaron, me gusta que revivan conmigo aquella vez que los lastimaron, & esa vez que se sintieron queridos. Puedo escucharte hablar sobre vos estando solos en una plaza, en una casa, estando en una juntada o una fiesta, continuar esas conversaciones en la calle mientras te acompaño a esperar el colectivo, o a donde sea que nos dirijamos. Me gusta hablar de música, de historia (aunque no tenga mucha noción de ella), de cuentos, fantasías, el universo; escuchar tus teorías sobre el mundo & la existencia, contarte las mías. Quiero escucharte hablar de tus creencias y aspiraciones. Me gusta saber que estás compartiendo conmigo algo tan valioso como un pedacito de tu alma. A vos, más que a nadie, a vos te pido perdón por no haberte escuchado como quería, por haberme puesto nervioso e intimidado cada vez que estaba a tu lado; también mis más sinceras disculpas a a mi mismo por eso, porque sé que todo ahora podría ser muy diferente si me hubiese comportado como quería, como soy. Me gusta recordar & adueñarme de la vida de aquellos a los que conozco o veo, me gusta recordarlos en mis canciones. Me gusta ser el único que conoce de verdad sobre quién, sobre quienes, hablan las letras de los temas que tocamos con mi banda, & aquellos que están en plena composición. Me gusta ver extraños en la calle e inventarles historias, me gusta recordar a aquella gente que en algún momento fue parte de mi vida, me gusta pensar por qué eran así, y qué historia escondían; me gustaría saber que es de ellos ahora mismo, cómo habrán continuado, si se acordarán de mi como yo lo hago. Sepan que siempre les deseo lo mejor. Me gusta saber que soy de utilidad para esa gente cercana que necesita un oído, solo eso, para poderse dormir tranquila, sabiendo que aquello que le comía la cabeza lo compartió con alguien, & ya no es más su carga, si no un peso que lo llevamos entre los dos. Gracias, me gusta sentirme importante. Lamento no haber tenido conversaciones con todos los que me rodean, lamento mucho no haber escuchado sus historias, sus realidades, las verdades que vivían todos los días. Lamento mucho no haber podido llegar a conocer a esa persona que tantas ganas tenías de hablar sobre sí, & por miedo, vergüenza, o falta de confianza, no lo hizo. En fin, pensamientos de medianoche acompañados con una coca cola en lata, & la música de Mogwai. ~
“ Oye te extraño” pero no te lo diré, porque se que tú ya no. Extraño tu “A las 00:00 nos dormimos princesa”. Aún recuerdo nuestro primer beso,pero se que tú no.
Esas personas que esperan a que sean las 00:00 horas para ser los primeros en felicitarte en tu cumpleaños <3