treating myself to doodling primarina

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treating myself to doodling primarina
@sensualbeautyreturns
Are you okay?
Neptune entered Pisces around 2011, and for nearly fifteen years it quietly shaped the inner landscape of my life. It didn’t announce itself loudly, but it stayed, softened, dissolved, and asked me to feel everything. Today, January 26, that chapter closes. Sitting at the edge of its ending, I can feel in my body that something long and defining is finally complete. This wasn’t a phase. It was an era.
From the very beginning of this transit, something in me started to open. Around 2011, I began noticing synchronicities, patterns, moments that felt charged with meaning. Life stopped feeling random. My intuition became something I couldn’t dismiss anymore. Over the years, this deepened into a spiritual awareness that wasn’t performative or constant, but quietly present. Astrology, tarot, symbolism, dream analysis, and self-inquiry became tools to understand what I was sensing long before I had language for it. With natal Neptune retrograde in Sagittarius in my 3rd house, meaning and interpretation have always been essential to how I move through life. This transit didn’t create that. It amplified it.
But heightened sensitivity doesn’t arrive without cost. The more open I became to intuition and meaning, the more vulnerable I felt to overwhelm. At the same time Neptune in Pisces was expanding my inner world, it was also asking me to confront my mental and emotional health again and again. I moved through depressive episodes, different forms of therapy, and periods of emotional exhaustion. The same sensitivity that let me feel synchronicities also meant I absorbed too much, felt too deeply, struggled to hold boundaries between what was mine and what belonged to the world around me. Coping wasn’t always clean. From 2019 until early 2024, nightly weed became a way to quiet an overwhelmed nervous system. Letting it go meant choosing clarity over escape.
Astrologically, Neptune moved through my 5th and later my 6th house in Placidus, and through my 6th house in whole sign. Love, longing, creativity, daily life and routines, health, caregiving, service, and boundaries all blurred together. What I felt emotionally often showed up physically. My body became another place where Neptune’s lessons showed up. Spiritual opening and physical depletion started to blur into each other.
This era also holds deep grief, and grief itself became another form of dissolution. Suzy and Tijgertje were with me through most of this transit, from when they were twelve weeks old in 2008 until they passed, Suzy in 2019 and Tijgertje in 2024. They were part of my daily rhythm, my routines, my sense of responsibility and care. In astrology, the 6th house rules daily routines, health, caregiving, and service. But also pets, the beings we care for who quietly shape our nervous system, our sense of purpose, and the rhythm of our days. They were constants in my life, witnesses to who I was becoming, and their presence gave structure and rhythm to my days.
Losing them wasn’t separate from the other losses I experienced during this time. Alongside them, I grieved parts of myself too. Versions of me that were hopeful, innocent, endlessly giving. Certain experiences I never got to have and dreams I had to let go of. This was not only the loss of others, but the slow release of identities that could not follow me forward. The grief was layered, each loss echoing and deepening the ones before it.
And as I grieved and worked on my mental health during this 15-year-long transit, my relationships began to shift in ways I couldn’t ignore. Neptune in Pisces clarified my relationships not through sudden rupture but through slow revelation. Some connections dissolved as boundaries became impossible to ignore. I saw where I had overextended myself, where dynamics relied on me being accommodating, entertaining, or emotionally available at my own expense. The same intuitive sensitivity that had opened me spiritually also made me acutely aware of when I was abandoning myself to maintain connection. I could feel the mismatch between what I was giving and what was being reciprocated, between who I actually was and who I was performing to be. This transit didn’t move gently through my chart. It formed hard aspects to my natal placements, and I felt that friction in my relationships and sense of self.
As Neptune moved through Pisces, Saturn eventually joined it, adding weight and consequence to what had already been dissolving. This is a story for another time. What matters here is that it made the lessons real, embodied, and unavoidable.
With Neptune now leaving Pisces, I feel the end of an era in my body and soul. I grieve what I lost, but I also recognize what I gained. Discernment. Honesty. Intuition. Faith in my spiritual abilities. A deeper trust in my own perception. I am not leaving this chapter empty. I am leaving it clearer, more grounded, and no longer willing to lose myself for connection, comfort, or illusion.
I know things now that I didn’t fifteen years ago. I know what it feels like to choose clarity over escape. I know the difference between spiritual sensitivity and losing myself in someone else’s emotional landscape. I know the cost of overextending, and I know the quiet strength it takes to stop. These aren’t abstract lessons. They’re lived, embodied, earned through years of dissolution and reformation.
Neptune will now move into Aries and transit my 7th house in whole sign. In Placidus, it will move through my 7th house first and later enter my 8th. The 7th house relates to one-on-one relationships, partners both romantic and otherwise, projection and mirroring, contracts and commitment, and how I meet the other. It will hit my DC directly.
I don’t know exactly what this next chapter will ask of me, but I’m meeting it differently than I would have before. I’m not the same person who entered the Neptune in Pisces transit. I won’t dissolve into someone else’s needs or lose myself in the longing for connection. I’ve learned to trust my own perception. I’m carrying that forward, and I’m curious to see what this transit will bring.