#02-09-2016

[claireisontheinterweb-blog]

Things were great... and then they went horribly wrong!!!

Dear Cousin Out In The Americalands...

I’m sure you are going to realise that I can be over dramatic at times. This is possibly one of them, but at the moment it doesn’t feel like it.

So my morning started off well, since I had such a long day on Tuesday, my manager let me start late on Wednesday (31st August) to balance things out. I started in the warehouse in Bognor, so I was helping with packing by sticking labels on things and wrapping parts up in bubblewrap, easy stuff!

I then had to go back to Chichester and attend an ICT meeting about how to use Microsoft Access. I made a database using Access before, so I knew pretty much everything that was being explained which was nice.

Then I was asked to do the daily reports. Now the intern I am replacing showed me how to do this. Everytime he showed me how to do it, something went wrong. So I never had a clear explanation of what I was doing, or why. But when he was showing me, it all made sense. But it had been 4 days since I had looked at it, I dunno...

So I start following my instructions (I’ve started making a little guidebook. By the end of the year, I want to make a fully explained guidebook for the next intern to have so they know what’s going on) and everything is going alright, but something seemed a little off. Excel was having problems moving some columns about and then it later wouldn’t let me refresh the report. When my manager did it, I was under by a lot. I tried it again and again and again and it just got worse. In the end I gave up. I stayed there for an extra hour or so to try and get it to work and it didn’t, I just wanted to go home and cry.

I left and called up my brother. Honestly, he was so supportive. My mum was too! As well as a good friend of mine. I’m so lucky to be surrounded by such wonderful people, they honestly mean the world to me!

Anyway, I got to eat pizza and watch the Great British Bake Off. Our new housemate moves in tomorrow. I’m excited to meet him. Then our house will be 1 person away from being full. I’m going to miss having the top floor all too myself, but oh well!

Until next time, see ya later!

[firecatches]

Day 16 02-09-2016

Today I tried to sleep in but trampling feet slamming against the floor above me seem to prevent that. Whatever, it’s not like it’s my only day off once a week from both school and work in a 7 day period for the next 5 months. I’m just exhausted; physically from the times I have to get up for school and working 8 hour clinical rotations throughout the week and my actual job on weekend; and mentally exhausted trying to keep up with all my homework and scheduling for my new job while maintaining the responsibility not to kill anyone at work or my clinical rotations.

My eyes are just hanging on by the last bit of Adderall that is trying to leave my system. My hands chatter across the keyboard, and still yet, the hill top homework turns into a mountain. My body begs for sleep, but my mind is wired. If I find my focus, I can complete what needs to be done with just enough time to have two or three hours of sleep (if I’m lucky). My eyes burn and I blink the pain away. I turn up the music just a little louder to drown out the talking around me. When I am finished, it’s always a disappointment to see the day turn into night. Oh well, I knew what I was signing up for, no matter how much ignorance lies in the education system. Our teachers before us done it and now the torture is passed down to the next generation. But… did our instructors ever consider that with more research comes more information, which in turn, leads to more homework for the next cohort? I honestly believe many of them don’t care, and for the ones who do the state doesn’t care to back them.

I’m growing an immunity to medication and caffeine. My grades are not showing the improvement like they did the years before. The homework is becoming harder, and the requirements are becoming unmanageable. I just want to sleep to drown out the real world, even if it is for only 2-3 hours. In those hours, I find peace and hope and rejuvenation. But education is not just the only component of my life, I have loved ones and while I lie as a lion ready to bellow to the masses above me to let them know I’m ready to pounce. I have to stop myself. Because I know what I signed up for, but they do not and nor do they deserve words that could transform them into a crippling gazelle.

Writing Song: Troye Sivan – Ease (feat. Broods)