Well, that was stupid and impulsive. Though, the sentiment remains. Me, texting my mom "would you be happier if I never came back or killed myself?" was dumb as hell. But... It's still true.
It should have been posted here and not sent at all. I don't want to live like this anymore, that much is true. But I can't leave and I know it. I can't leave the cats behind. Not again. They mean the world to me I can't abandon them again. They're really all I have left. I can't do it again.
And as for killing myself? As much as I really want to- I know I can't do that either. I want to be able to prove to the people who thought this of me, win. I have to do better than the people who hurt me. And I think the best way to do that, is to LIVE my best life. That is the ultimate victory to me. But also, I'm just a fucking coward, and I'm too scared to actually attempt anything.
Trying to help my mom at times really does seem pointless.
Idk it's all so confusing to me still. This all blew up because of my chosen name...
