Okay... I was being over dramatic
Dear Cousin Out In The Americalands...
I bring good news, the computer just hated me yesterday (for the most part). When I got to work on Thursday (1st September), the computer wasn’t struggling to move columns and wasn’t stopping me from refreshing the report. I did end up with ridiculous values though! Although, that was because it was adding up my previous 5 or 6 attempts from the day before. My manager helped me through it and we got a reasonable answer in the end.
I have learnt that I panic a little too much about this kind of thing. I think that that may have been something that good ol’ anxiety has given me. The fear that everything I do will be a disaster that ruins my life forever!
I mean, this is definitely one thing I want to stop happening by the end of this year. For the past 5 years, I have had “Exams that will affect my life forever” (honestly, my dad is not the best person for a pep talk). Every time I have had to do exams, I have always been told that if I stuff it up, my life is basically ruined for good, because I’m better than that.
Unfortunately for me, I was a “smart” kid growing up. I was in all the top sets since I started school and all my teachers told my parents that I was going to go places. This set some unreal expectations for me throughout life and it feels like I’ve just been a constant disappointment to my dad.
This year is different though. No matter what happens, I go back to university in September. Worse case scenario, I’m richer from working for a year and I have a lot of work experience to add to my CV. Best case scenario, I am offered a job for when I graduate. Nothing can go wrong, my life cannot be ruined by this year! It’s so nice being able to say that!
Over the yer, I’m going to be working on some methods to help prevent anxiety attacks getting worse and I’m just going to relax this year. So hopefully when I go back to uni, anxiety will be a thing of the past!
Obviously, I still have different aspects of my life that is affected by anxiety, and I will explain all that later. But for now, I’m focusing on the general “this one thing could ruin any chance of me have a decent life” anxiety problem I have.
Until next time, see ya later!