“ I can't bring myself to tell anyone else, but ... it this feels like a betrayal. And what's worse is is that I did it to myself. ”
heads up for: story spoilers, mentions of death / suicide, the inevitable horror of coming back and blaming yourself for it.
it's a horrible thing, when death seems to tell you not just yet for the second time in as many days. The first time, it was after disembarking, when Lune stops him from pulling the trigger; the second time, there was no outside help. No oddly fortuitous intervention that kept him from dying at Renoir's hand, no grounding words of encouragement that would plant his feet back into reality. That's what makes it worse: he'd made peace with his end. The cliffs were the end of his road, and he'd be one more stepping stone in the trail of those that would go on without him. That's what makes it worse: when he wakes, sunlight feels like a betrayal.
it hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, and it hurts to even think. But he does manage to recognize red leave trees, golden light, and the scent of wood. When Gustave wakes again, everything hurts a little bit less and he's staring up at several Gestrals but the ones with a "closest eye" on him are three familiar "faces": Noco, Jerijeri and Karatom. Jerijeri explains it best: he would have moved on from the cliffs, headed further north with his wares, if it hadn't been for the barely moving human body at the mouth of a cliffside cave. It takes Gustave very little time to piece the story together after that, but he can't bring himself to be thankful. Not in the moment, anyway. There's proof of "treatment" in the empty vials of healing provisions scattered around his cot, bloody strips of cloth compress his midsection, and his uniform is a disastrous pile of cloth and gore. There's even some attempts at medicinal pastes in the form of an abandoned mortar and pestle. He asks to be left alone.
those who know Gustave know he suffers in silence, and prefers to grieve alone so he does. At first, it's hard to be grateful for having had his life saved by the Gestrals, even if they're not the problem. Something in him refused to die. He denied himself peace, no matter how ready he was for it, and the world did the rest. If anything, that sacrifice, however failed, must have given the rest of their Expedition time to leave. He remembers little, anyway, save for Maelle begging him to run. The third night he spends actually conscious at the Gestral village, he decides that, if nothing else, he'll continue. When one falls, we continue. In a way, one could also apply that to near - death and unwanted rebirth.
he speaks to Noco and Karatom the next morning, voicing his intent to leave and needing help with another way of crossing the sea. Gustave laments the obvious loss of his arm ... but somehow, it surprises him little to know that Noco and Karatom have him somewhat covered. Nights of convalescence weren't just his own: the two Gestrals couldn't not satisfy their curiosity regarding his arm, nonexistent as it may have been, and in return for aiding in the testing of the most Ultimate Sakapatate, Karatom gets to work on a new limb. Never thought a human would leave with a piece of a Sakapatate. It's the first time Gustave smiles in all of his second stay at the village, and somewhat gladly helps in his own reconstruction. By this time, Noco is gone, but there's no doubt they'll meet again.
Karatom and Gustave turn to Golgra for a bit of counsel. Esquie is long gone with the rest of the Expedition, so the only thing left to do is to head out with one of the merchants. Gestrals have their own way of navigating the Continent, and they've certainly managed without the help of a flying creature such as Esquie. The village "Chef" agrees, and Gustave is set to depart after one more day of rest and the final stages of tinkering with his new limb.
with his new arm finalized and tested, Gustave leaves the village behind on the towering backpack of a massive Gestral. He passes through the Forgotten Battlefield and continues heading north, though not without finding his own resting place. He doesn't hesitate to leave that arm behind. There's plenty of time to think as he travels, too, through the frigid slopes of the central mountains. He's been mourned, grieved, and buried and he feels like a ghost, returned to fill old wounds with salt. He could end it foolishly against a Nevron, but that would feel like an insult to the Gestrals that have helped him. There's no easy way out of grief, so Gustave presses on. He marvels at the frozen trains and thinks of Lune (how is she holding up? How badly is she pressing on to not think about her feelings?) when he meets the Grandis and they point him in the direction the Expedition left: towards old Lumiere.
it's whilst following Lune, Monoco and Sciel's trail that they reunite. It's never been so painful, physically and emotionally, to be embraced and celebrated and mourned again all at once. There's nausea in the pit of his stomach, roiling and churning like a storm, but that's much less important than finding Maelle ... and Verso. He hates facing Maelle like a revenant, with little to be done about than to first defend against Renoir. Noco's loss is horrifying: the 33rd's fate is to gain life and lose another in the process. A cycle of mortifying choices.
at camp, Gustave explains as he's able, but he can't get too far before the day's travails catch up with everyone. Another loss is a tough thing to process, and there's heartache to lay to rest. But he can't sleep, and neither can Maelle ... so they talk. They chuck rocks into the lake, and Gustave says he's sorry. What for? Except Maelle doesn't let him answer: they've had enough agony for one day.
Expedition 33 gains its sixth member in its hunt for the Axons.
if you're still here, you're a champ. Some of these details will be adjustable, depending on the thread / character / writer I'm working with, so consider this write - up a flexible guideline! (This post is gonna force me to retcon two threads I have going but that's okay, it be like that.) The follow - up to this will be essentially a redesign + reasoning behind Gustave's "new arm" but I leave you with this bit of knowledge: it's basically a deconstructed arquebus / musket. Yes, he gets to keep the gun part of his fighting style (except now it's better thanks to Karatom) and has a hidden bayonet (similar to the hidden blades the Sakapatate catapults counterattack with).
watching a race from 2010 and it cuts to seb on the red bull pit wall and I was thinking "oh who is this small child, seb's younger brother?" only for me to realize that is seb
HE’D KNOW BETTER. SHOULD. Overwatch and its special operations subdivision feel like an entire world apart, separate entities, diverging paths. White, and black, the primary colors for grey. There’s a pause, and in the stillness, Gabriel absorbs the vastness of it, renovations, newer buildings, shiny composite-graphene walls. He doesn’t remember the designated barracks being in this particular area of the base; realizes, belatedly, it was relocated. That’s how long he had been gone, disappearing and reappearing like an old ghost. Gabriel feels like a visitor. He doesn’t belong here. Not anymore.
A brow arches. He pulls his arms together, gloved hands tucking into the crook of his elbows. For Ana, he smiles. "Not my fault you went and moved things around.”
