and I think I explained myself well and so did he, and I made it clear that i'm not looking to make anything last into college
and even if i'm not quite sure if I think of him as more than a friend we'll probably kind of try a relationship out for the summer, just to try it, and at the end of the summer we'll part ways and go back to being just good friends, so if I never develop feelings for him and just keep thinking of him as a friend it will never matter
since neither of us have any experience whatsoever we figure it'll be a good experience for us to have before college, and it's basically risk free which puts my little "scared of everything especially relationships" mind at ease
it's not exactly what i planned for going into that conversation but it's okay
basically my friend'll be my boyfriend for the summer and then we'll just part as friends when it comes time for school, which is the best I could have hoped for.
So I feel better now. Now I just have to make it through prom tomorrow without getting all freaked out!
This post is going to be pretttty detailed. I'm going to try my absolute best to try to remember anything that has happened. This post is going to pretty much 95% completely honest and if something happened between us and you want to know how I feel about it but don't want to ask, then read this. LOLI most like wrote about it. If not well... oops.
I'm going to try to write everything that happened this year. From crushes to actual things to drama to other stuff.
Please don't take into offense of anything in here... I don't mean to bash anyone it's just mainly me feeling stupid. LOL.. so yeah....\
By the way, I'm using NON OBVIOUS code names. You can't tell who I'm talking about at all, nope.
Here we go, let's go on a long adventure for my junior year. :) This is going to be long af, good luck for your stamina and enjoy.
Well to start off, I didn't really like anyone in the beginning of the year. I didn't even have drama except for this stupid drama with Kelly over kpop but let's not talk about this. LOL The only issues I had were here mainly had to do with lack of communication since we're in different cities now. :( It's pretty much my fault because I am the worst communicator in the whole world okay.
I became really close with Antoinette this year because we had two classes together! School girl Fridays' were OUR thing and we bonded over our inner weeaboo selves. We would obnoxiously laugh in pre-cal over the smallest things and she's probably the person who can most easily get me to the point of crying from laughing so hard by doing the simplest things.
I also got close with Sara because of Psychology AP and Sociology. We talked about drama in our lives and boys and One Direction and everything, pretty much.
Haydee and I also got close because of lunch. I was so happy she was in my lunch because we talked all year pretty much about korean boys and boys in real life. We'd fangirl about EVERYTHING. Oh and we'd always make plans to watch my Infinite dvd's, have drama days, and make korean food but that barely worked out. LOL
And Mary and I got closer throughout the year, too. We hung out at Disney World, went to the homecoming football game, and went to the rodeo together. Also, she was my secret santa this year and she was the best one ever, tbh.
Also! I have got rid of my bad terms with both Michelle and Vi. We made up. :)
Overall I felt recovered from stupid 10th grade drama, thank god. but let's not get into that!
Okay now..... boys.......................
Well I didn't like anyone in the beginning of the year, really. The boys I had to deal with most of the time were Hubert and Terry from yearbook. Also, Philipp was always there because, well duh Philipp.
Hubert was my best guy friend ever. I didn't know I would be this close to this guy okay. I'm so glad we were in the same yearbook period. He was always dumb and flirty but I think the moment he started being REALLY FORWARD was when I posted this one ootd and he just kept going man. But yes him and Terry were the most touchiest boys I ever met wow. The highlights of my friendship with Hubert is when he'd stroke my hair and I'd almost fall asleep. LMAO just kidding (jk again i loved when he stroked my hair) but yeah he was such a good friend. We talked about everything and anything and ranted about drama and stupid stuff. ACTUALLY MY FAVE PART IS WHEN HE'D GIVE ME SPAGHETTI he calls me a roach. A lot of people thought we were dating and we weren't at all it was so funny but it got to the point where I'd distance myself because it got pretty bad. Like rumors and everything and just no. He'd always make me hold his hand it was literally sexual harassment ugh someone jail this brown boy
I got "asked" to homecoming by Briana and Victoria. I was so excited yo like hyfr just kidding but these two are my mains when it comes to homecoming stuff. I'm going to miss them next year. :'( But anyway...
We went to homecoming and it was at KC, aka Daniel's school, who asked me to homecoming last year (sophomore year). I saw him there and it's been a huge while since we last hung out or even spoke to each other.
I went to say 'hi' to him and he was with a new group of friends than last year. It kinda made me sad because of my *brotp* but let's not get into that LOL. He was with a bunch of new people that I've never seen or heard of before. Apparently it was his dance crew buddies.
There was this one kid in there that I looked at and I could NOT figure out who he looked like. He looked like a certain face and I couldn't put a name to it. I asked Briana and Victoria about it and they said he looked familiar too but we could not figure it out.
To be honest, I guess because I thought he looked familiar I kept looking at him trying to figure it out (because this type of thing BOTHERS me lol) and I guess the more I looked I was like "hey hes kinda cute?" but I brushed it off lol
Then when we got home, of course, we were feeling stupid and adventurous so Briana and I added everyone from their homecoming group and I figured out that guys name LMAO his name was.. Brian. hahahaha
Anyway I added them and 'cause we were bored and then 2 days later I was like... 'we should.. introduce and explain ourselves right...' so I introduced myself to RICHARD and Brian and Chris and all of them saying that I saw them at homecoming. And to my surprise they were sophomores except for Chris like wth... LOL I seriously thought they were juniors or older. But anyway yeah...
I don't know why but I continued to think Brian was cute. Honestly I think it was because he was just someone new? It was a crush at first and I thought I would just let it slip and slide through my fingers but wtf no
I don't like talking about it because I don't even understand, okay. HAHA I don't know why I liked him as much as I did because I barely got to know him as I should have. But really, I think it was the fact that he was UNinterested that kept me interested. The fact that he didn't like me or didn't put any effort made me think "wow why not what's wrong with me". LOL Looking back (at this huge filler in my life as an anime) I think that's why I 'liked' him. Because he wouldn't give me the time of day while his other friends would.
It all started that weekend, I saw him all 3 days @_@ because of Dance club, Korean Fest, and church. I also saw him at hoi cho. And one day, I gave him pocky on pepero day along with Chris and Richard. It's not a big deal but it's when I realized 'hey i guess i do like him.' I don't know why I just thought he was adorable I guess? But it was a huge waste of time trying to talk to him honestly... like as waste of feelings because I got nothing back, ever. The only time I did was when he told me 'goodnight pretty girl' in korean because I taught him how to say it *barfs all over the floor* LOL JUST KIDDING and also TRUTH OR DARE AT MY HOUSE. Oh my god... like all that happened was people would instigate Brian trying to see if he liked me. But I knew he didn't. Like they asked him who he liked in this room and made him kiss my mirror and made him hug me for '10 seconds' like why. and he spun the bottle and it landed on me and he ran away LOL..
He didn't talk much and talking to him was okay sometimes but MOST of the time it was like talking to a wall and I personally just felt stupid? Like it's not his fault he wasn't interested in me, it's my fault for sticking to it. In my experience, DIRECT rejection is what's best. I want to know for sure if the guy doesn't like me and if I find out he doesn't it's easier for me to get over him. But if I DON'T know, then I hate just giving up.
SO I texted him around early Feb and I told him I liked him and I asked him for his answer and he said that he liked me as a friend but didn't /like me like that/ and he /wasn't friendzoning/ me. I was like... yeah this boy is friendzoning me. BUT To be honest I didn't really.. care. Like it was scary at first but I kinda just got over it the next day and moved on.. to... Mickey.....
Throughout this whole time liking Brian, I got close to Josh and Mitch. I actually got close to Mitch starting in the summer I THINK. I talked to them like.. every day. I honestly miss it. Everytime Josh tries to talk to me now, I would literally be busy at the moment. Worst timing ever LOL. He used to like me a lot, and I felt really bad because I appreciated him as a good friend that I talked to about anything and could talk forever. He said I lead him on but in all honestly I had NO intentions to. He knew I liked Brian, sigh... I guess the only times maybe is when we'd pretend to be in a Korean drama but it was a joke.. I miss talking to him like how we used to but now it's not as lengthy.
And now Mitch has a girlfriend and ever since they got together we stopped talking as much as we used to. :( I'm sad because I really considered him a really close friend because we talked about our problems and he was always there for me and everything and ugh IF YOU SEE THIS, HI..........
OKAY Back to 'Mickey'. I met him towards the end while I 'liked' Brian. Yeah, I could tell he was sorta interested but I was still caught up on Brian. Anyway, after confessing and getting rejected, I was like 'okay no more boys i'm done for now bye' and I just kept talking to him as a friend. These talks got longer and longer. It eventually lead to talking all day and all night and just texting about anything. I denied it at first because I didn't think I'd bounce back this fast but I did. He was not a rebound I promise because I actually did like him. The moment I realized 'hey i like him' was when he was like "Let's practice :)" or something when I told him I sucked at texting during the school days.
We talked on the phone and after our first phone call (which was him tutoring me on the unit circle lol) we talked pretty often for long hours at a time.
We went to the mall with his friend LOL it was so random... but yeah I was really nervous because I thought I'd be dumb and weird but it wasn't even that bad. We talked a lot and sat down the whole time and he told me about his.. love.. life. Oh my god that was so weird for me okay. I just kinda brushed it off though because wow.
I don't know if it was just me but he'd brush his hand against mine. But it was confirmed that he wanted to hold my hand. LOL... slow your roll mickey. Just kidding but yeah I didn't want to hold hands just yet. He was surprised that I didn't have my first kiss yet.
anyway we kept talking and we got a lot closer over the phone. wow kinda sad but yeah we hung out once... but I really did like him a lot. But school became REALLY busy second 6 weeks of the second semester. and also I spent the free time that I had reading manga so.. (i did not like getting text notifications in the middle of reading on my phone wow) LOL OMG... but yeah..
we drifted apart thats all i can honestly say. :( I feel really bad and sad about it but yeah. I tried talking to him but he wouldn't reply to my texts. who knows, he might haven't have got them or he just ignores me. well hey i deserve it okay. I'm a stupid. I even told my mom about him.. whatever
Anyway THAT'S IT I THINK.. I don't remember anything else... the last 6 weeks were just friends and chilling and yeah. Summers here, I might start a summer post later if a lot happens, who knows. thanks for reading youre so real
Consumption
Leftovers: chicken thigh, carrots, broccoli, raw spinach, cucumber, & moro
2 hardboiled eggs, cucumber, & raw spinach on wholegrain bread
Grilled chicken breast w/ tostones
100 oz water
Thoughts
Slept in right back breakfast - again. Neeeed to start getting up earlier...though, at least I am def. getting my 8 hours of sleep! (So that means I need to go to bed earlier too, welp.)
