Aug. 17, 2013
So.. here goes. I'm writing (..or typing) my very first journal entry. I am an extremely closed-off person so I won't be revealing my name. This diary/journal thing is more for myself than anyone else. I like making friends, but for the most part, I'm by myself, doing my own thing. I don't like to admit it, but I think I have a fear of rejection or dissatisfying others. Keeping a low profile is the best way not to attract attention or negative reactions from people. Some people have a misconception of quiet/shy people of being sad or lonely. But, I find that the quietest people have the loudest minds and best thoughts. I certainly do. I constantly think about what I'm going to do or say and have the deepest discussions in my mind. I tend to think twice about what they're going to say and how to make a good impression. If I'm honest, I hate that about myself. I certainly don't want to talk out of my ass and piss people off but I would like to be a bit more spontaneous and quit worrying about what everyone thinks. I'm working on it. I don't know how long I will stick with these diary entries since I'm not very consistent with things like this. I literally cannot keep with an idea and stick to it. I am going to try writing these daily but I don't know how that will work. One of the few things I did sort of stick with was drinking only water for a few months straight. Even though that was last year though and only lasted a few months, I was proud of of myself. I think I want to start the only-drinking-water thing again but juice is just so tempting and delicious (with good vitamins). Juice is hard to quit, okay?! Especially with nice cold ice cubes in it haha. When I started my "water-only" drinking (with the exception of milk in my cereal and Gatorade here and there) I did a tiny bit of research and read of people who only drink water for the like 30 years or something. How can anyone drink just water for years and years???!!!! Anyway, I personally didn't feel different drinking water like I thought I would. I don't think I had more or less energy. I guess I did feel a bit better about myself because I was doing my body and skin a favor. I almost felt cleaner? I don't know. I was generally healthier back then anyway. But, I'm skinnier now? Which is weird. I literally only eat "junk" now but back then I ate lots of healthy salad and fruits. I think I weighed 125-128lbs back then and now I'm barely 120lbs. So... that just goes to show you... society is lying!!! It's all a conspiracy, you can stuff your face with chips and doughnuts and still be skinny! Lol jk I think the only reason I'm smaller now is because I don't eat THAT much. I probably will eat dinner and then a few snacks in the day. The snacks are granola bars or a small bag of Lay's chips. Whereas, back then, I did eat healthier but I ate alot more. My appetite was bigger because of the workouts at Track practice. I would come home and feel like I could eat a horse. Lots of healthier things but still alot of calories. I was burning them but I was also gaining muscle weight. Ugh, so complicated!!!!! haha Currently, I'm watching a U.K. football match. It's so cool because other countries obsess over soccer (which they call football) and we obsess over football (which they call soccer) It is Manchester United and another team who I don't know the name of. They have white uniforms, though? I'm not really paying attention, sorry. Just trying to give visuals here for my future self to look back at. I feel good today and really relaxed. I'm surprisingly not that nervous for school. Speaking of, school is starting back in just 2 days! It's quite crazy because it literally feels like summer break just started. I didn't do much except sit around so I guess that's why it went so fast. I'm actually a bit excited stating my 10th grade year. It's kind of bittersweet. I'm not that excited about seeing my 'peers' again. Teenagers are just so full of drama. I am getting pumped because my birthday is in one month on Sept. 17th. I will be turning 15 years old. I don't think it will feel much different but I'm looking forward to being older, I guess. I guess this is all for today. I can't really say what will happen the rest of the day because it's only half past 2 in the evening. But, my days are pretty predictable so I think I'm just going to sit around and chill. Finish enjoy the day and tomorrow before school is here.
