My Journal....

[17remember28]

October 31, 2015

It is a Saturday afternoon, 3:51 pm to be exact, and my feet are cold. Now that the obvious is out of the way, let’s start by saying: WHAT THE ACTUAL CRAP? I haven’t posted on this journal since this time last year. Actually, it was before the first day of school.

That’s insane. When I posted my last entry, I hadn’t even begun my junior year yet and now I’m nearly 4 months into my senior year. Again, what the actual crap?

So since I hadn’t posted since before junior year started..how was junior year for me? Crappy. That’s the word I would use to describe it. The only good thing is that the school year did seem to go by fairly quickly.

I don’t think I would want to relive junior year even if someone paid me. I’ve tried to block it out of my mind to be quite honest.

When I reflect back on last year, and specifically the first semester, all that comes to mind is dread. Actually, most of my junior year is a dreadful blur - a blur of sadness, anxiety, and self-doubt. That has been a common theme throughout my time in high school I’ve realized. But, it hit hard first semester of my 11th grade year. I remember feeling so lonely and withdrawn. Things have definitely improved since then.

I am probably blowing things out of proportion but I do remembering having frequent bouts of depression and feeling self-conscious. Needless to say, it wasn’t a fun time.

Anyway, I am going to steer off of junior year and talk a bit about this fresh school year- senior year.

So, yes... I am a senior. It’s only October (almost November) which means I won’t be graduating until about 7 months from now but still. It feels so amazing to have it boiled down to months instead of YEARS before graduating.

It’s surreal because my very first journal entry was over 2 years ago. I was in 10th grade. I was 15. I was a baby. I was wishing for the moment for me to finally become a senior. Now it’s here. And...honestly, it’s underwhelming haha.

I guess everything is underwhelming once you’ve waited and dreamed about it for so long. One of the quotes on my closet door says:

“Stop waiting for Friday for summer, for someone to fall in love with you, for life.Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it and make the most of the moment you are in now,”

Which is what I try to tell myself. But, it’s hard sometimes not to want, wish, and dream about the future. I’m looking forward to the future that’s hopefully of fun and adventure and friendship and love. Is it so wrong to look to the future and hope all of that will come?

The main reason I think senior year has been so underwhelming is because nothing (really) has changed. I mean, I didn’t expect a drastic change from who I was, but I did picture my current self differently - with perhaps a confident attitude, outgoing personality, cool clothes, and a new look. Basically, I was too unrealistic.

I wasn’t expecting to be the same shy, anixety-having, and reserved person that I was two years ago. I’m hoping that in the future I can break out of my shell a little bit. No. Scratch that. Not a little bit... A LOT. I have a lot more confidence to gain and anxiety and fears to get rid of.

Anyway, can you tell how I feel about senior year so far? Sigh...

I shouldn’t be complaining because, really, this year is a big improvement from last year. I’m overall a lot happier (though, I do have my days) and I’m in a better mindset. This year so far has been mediocre at best. But, hopefully  it improves next semester. We shall hope and we shall see.

Anyway, I’m going to enjoy the rest of my Saturday doing nothing. I just got finished listening to Tina Turner- Simply the Best and thought about this journal randomly. So I logged in and started typing this.

I just realized it’s Halloween today. Which I should’ve remembered since last night, I went to the movies with friends to watch Crimson Peak. It had a few jump scares but wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. Which I’m glad about because I hate scary movies. And I’m rambling now. Okay. I’m officially done because my fingers are starting to hurt and this is turning into a 10 page essay.

[17remember28]

August 17, 2014

It has come. It's...The Day Before the First Day of School. Last year, I typed something the day before school. No, it was the night before school actually. I can't believe it's already been a full year since that post. It's quite crazy. Well, I don't have much to say today so I'll keep this short.

I just woke up and took a shower so my day has just started at 11:57am. Tomorrow, my day is going to start at 6:00am. Ahhh :/ I am not looking forward to that. Also, my best friend and I don't have a single class together. Or lunch together. I legit started crying over that a few days ago. I quickly got over it though. It's just that-I hate feeling lonely. I hate the feeling of loneliness. Even though I don't show it on the outside, I reeaaaally hate being lonely. I love being alone but I hate being lonely. 

We'll still see eachother in the morning but that's about it. I cannot believe we don't have a single class together after we tried to basically sign up for all the same classes.

I guess fate just doesn't want us to have the same classes. Last year, we didn't have any classes together either. But, it was okay because we ended up with the same lunch for 2nd semester and at that time, she rode the bus so I saw her then. Now, she's a car-rider. Which sucks extra hard. Ugh..

But, despite all of that, I'm not even nervous for the first day of school. I'm truly not but I'm still dreading it. I have AP english for first block so I can expect to see preppy white kids. I am not looking forward to that since I don't really get along with that group. Well, I don't really fit into any group but I especially don't fit into the preppy white group. It's horrible and I probably won't make a single friend in that class. We'll see.

Well, that's all. I'm going off to relax and enjoy 11 more hours of my day before I have to go to sleep. 

I will tell you about my first day tomorrow. If I remember to...haha!

[17remember28]

August 6, 2014

I haven't updated this blog in 2 months! The last time I posted was on THE. LAST. DAY. OF SCHOOL. I cannot believe how fast this summer went by. It's nearly school time again. :/ Aishh! I wish school didn't start until September.

I am in Yearbook this year so I had to go to my school today for that. The realization hit me then that school is right around the corner. 12 DAYS to be exact. fml. I am so not ready. So not ready to spend 8 hours of my day being around other people (excluding my friends ofc). I've gotten so used to just laying around all day.

I mean, that's literally what I did this summer. I sat in one spot and spent most of my days and nights with my tablet in my hand watching kpop videos and just being a lazy bum. It sounds sad but it's actually really comfortable. I don't feel bad that I didn't spend my summer in the pool or at the beach in the sun. I actually like staying indoors..while the air conditioner is blowing around the house. I hate, hate, hate hot weather anyway. I prefer to sit around and just be entertained by the internet. It's relaxing. 

 But..In a few short weeks, I'll have to wake up at 6:30am and I won't get home until like 4:30pm...Rinse and repeat! I hate school for that reason. It's always rinse and repeat..the same schedule. Ok...I should stop thinking and complaining about school and get off of this blog now. I'll try to update this thing more but I honestly forget about it often times. And when I do remember this blog..I can't be bothered to write an entry cause I just feel too lazy haha. Bye~

Oh and I still haven't read my summer book that I was supposed to for school. If I have english this semester..I'm basically fucked :/ I'm praying so hard that when I get my schedule in two days that it says "AP eng 11 semester 2" on there. crossing my fingers and toes lol

[17remember28]

May 30, 2014

Not going to type a whole entry right now. Just wanted to say that SUMMER is officially here! Thank goodness. Yep, that's literally all I wanted to say. K bye No, but seriously I'm going to be a junior next year. I cannot believe it. Anyway I'm typing from a tablet and I can't deal with typing a long entry on this so I'll end this here. Woooo summer time baby! Let the relaxation and lazing around begin. But, first.. lemme take a selfie! Ha Ok I'm done here now

[17remember28]

May 17, 2014

Oooh! Look at me logging onto this tumblr to post something in the same month. Haha, .I wish I could consecutively post everyday but I'm very lazy, y'know. It's Saturday morning and I thought "why not post a lil somethin'-somethin'?"

So anyway, since the last time I posted...nothing big has happened that I can think of. I did forget to say in my last entry that I've gotten into Kpop music. Love it. Love SHINee. <3 I officially became their fan in December 2013. I can't believe it's been 5 months, tbh. It seems like just yesterday when I was clicking through youtube-- watching all of their music videos and interviews to learn more about them. Anyway, yeah.. I love Kpop and it's nice because I don't know a single person in my school to know what Kpop even is so that's a relief because I don't have to hear fangirls talking about them. I would want to say "oh I love so and so too" but because I'm shy... I would probably just sit there and awkwardly listen. Just like the other day in art class, I'm sitting there and these girls were talking about Harry Styles and how sexy he is and blah blah. I'm so glad I don't really like 1d anymore because that would've been awkward to listen to and I mean it was still awkward to listen to not being a huge 1d fangirl like I used to.

The end of school is inching closer and closer. Two weeks left! Eee! I'm so excited. I'm so sick of seeing the same old people  every single day but most of all the same old classrooms every single day. Surprisingly, I never get tired of seeing the hallways every single day because the school is kind  of huge and I think it's fun walking the halls. Not with people in i though because they don't seem to know how to place one foot in front of the other and WALK. They'll legit just stop in the middle of the hallway to talk to their friends going the opposite direction. Ugh. 

Anyway, this is the home stretch. TURN UP! lol It feels great saying that there's only two weeks left.  I'm not TOO worried about my exams but i still can't left myself slack off these last few weeks. I see too many of my classmates and peers do that. I honestly think it's stupid to do well the whole semester then just because it's coming down to the wire, slack off. 

So..yeah I really have nothing else to say. And this laptop is starting to freeze up so I'll just end it here~ 

P.S. as you can see, my grammar is all slopped up in these entries. I know and i think I said it before. I'm not stupid. I just don't feel like going back to correct mistakes because i'm not writing an english paper. I always cringe whenever someone doesn't use correct grammar but this journal is only for me anyway. 

P.S.S. no but serously my honors english teacher would cringe so hard if she saw my grammar in this thing. but following grammar rulez in a journal entry when all you're trying to do is get your feeling out there suck ok

[17remember28]

May 2, 2014

OH MY FREAKING GOD. That is all I can say. I cannot believe it's been 6 months- half a year since I even looked, posted on, or thought about this tumblr blog. My mind thought of this blog randomly so I typed in the URL and realized I haven't wrote on this thing in ages. Like, since 2013. Crazy that it's already 5 months into 2014 and I haven't thought about the blog since 5 months ago. Literally so cray-cray haha.

Anyway, it's currently 9:30 on a Friday night. I read through all of my old posts. It's fun to do that. It's almost like looking back in the past at my old self. Even though I'm the same way and the same person. It's almost like I can picture myself typing all of those things. Not knowing what the future held. Not much has really happened since those entries but I feel like alot has? It's funny how life goes. It seriously feels like these past few months have flown by. There is 30 more days until school is officially over and a nice long summer break starts. I am so ready for it. I really want a job (I'm still 15 of course) but I'm so ready that it hurts. I've been applying to places alot lately because Summer is almost here and that is the time that places usually start opening positions for teenagers that are thirsty for a quick buck. I am one of those thirsty teenagers. I wish jobs hired based on maturity level and not age because I'm sure I'd be in the door QUICK, FAST and IN A HURRY (as my mom likes to say lol). Anyway, I should maybe tell you about my new schedule/classes for my 2nd semester of school? It seems like old information but I haven't posted for a little while and you know what? We have some catching up to do. 

So yeah, I luckily have easy classes this semester. I mean I'm sick of school at this point so I really don't feel like gong in depth about my classes. Plus, I can't remember my first day of 2nd semester because it's been five months! But, as I said, classes are super easy. 2 of them require minimum effort and you just basically have to show up. Eh. It's nice but also pretty boring. As I said, I'm pretty much sick of school. I know everyone thinks like that when May comes around and they just want summer to come so they're like 'ugh I'm done with school" but I've been done with school since March pretty much. 

I'm honestly so eager for my senior year to get here. It seems like it's in arms reach but it's so far away. In two long years. I'll be 17 by then and planning out my life. It seems super scary to some people but as I said in my previous posts, I cannot wait. It seems super exciting rather than super scary. 

It's like I have two lives. I was thinking that today. It's like all quiet people have double lives. It makes you laugh when you realize it but it's true. I have my quiet, mysterious, no-expression, poker-face (all of the things my peers described me as) but then I have my loud, creative, fun, expressive side in my head. That I create. My brain is full of so many thoughts and ideas and just so many things. I sometimes wish that my inner side would come out of me. Some people find that their inner self come out so easily. You see it and you feel it through their expressions and voice and talking. It can be easily seen but with quieter and shyer people, it takes more effort. 

I've come to kind of embrace my quiet side. I don't think I'm naturally quiet. It's just kind of it what it is. It's something I really don't notice until someone points out, "Oh dang. You're so quiet. Don't you ever say anything?' Yes, random person that I don't even know, yes I do. Just not to you or that person over there or him over there. But, yeah, I do talk. Just not a lot around people I don't know. I want to explain to people that my inner self is not shy. My inner self is extremely confident. My inner self is strong and capable and doesn't have anxiety when it comes to speaking in front of strangers. My inner self doesn't second guess and worry about if they'll be judged if they talk to someone.

Sorry.

Got carried away. I just have so many feelings that I feel that I should pour out and express on here openly. It feels like a safe place. But, here is where I can only pour out 50% of myself, the majority is not poured out. It's kept inside and never sees the light of day. All of my ideas and thoughts and dreams and everything stays put inside where my conscience threatens to make me feel guilty about if I ever do pour them out. 

I always say I wish people would give me a chance despite my quietness because I'd open up so much to them. I'd be louder, funnier, friendly and goofier but it's only my fault and not the fault of others that my voice isn't heard. It stays on the shelf inside where I cannot even reach inside to pull it out.  

I'll enjoy the rest of my evening/night now because this type of mood is putting me down a bit.

[17remember28]

Oct. 17, 2013

I just ate some Fettuccine. Boy, was it delicious! It's currently Thursday. 6:12 pm. It seems like the evenings literally speed by. It feels like I just came home. 

My day was good. I'll go through it I guess:

morning:

My mom woke me up at 5:30 this morning because she thought it was 6:30 (which is the time I get up) I got up, got dressed like normal. Then, she informs me that it was actually 5:30. I was mad but also thankful that I had another hour of sleep to get in. 

school:

It was a pretty boring, stressful, long day. I had a lot of work in my classes with the exception of my 1st block (which is a surprise). I watched Of Mice and Men in 1st which is a wonderful movie. We haven't watched the end yet but I already know what happens. I know what happens because of course, me being my curious self, googled "What happens at the end of Of Mice of Men?" I was not expecting to see that Lenny dies. Terribly sad :(

Anyway... in French we had to do some book work of course. I wish we'd do something fun every once in a while. I mean I know it's school and we're learning but French is a language, can't she make it fun to learn?? Ugh. I still like the French language though and Going to France is on my "bucket list"

In Biology I had to finish a hard-ass test. It's probably one of the hardest test I've ever taken. I cannot even tell you what it was on. It was open notes but it was still extremely difficult to find answers and took forever. This unit (as the teacher said) was definitely the hardest. I'm so glad that unit is over. I've never been a big science person which is ironic because I want to work in the medical field someday.

Lastly though, In health science, we did worksheets. It was fairly easy but at that point my hand was so sore from writing all day that I was just trying to get it done quick. 

Then I found out it was raining (and bleh just like that, my chances of going to track conditioning was ruined). I don't know what's up with that but every time my best friend and I attempted to go to track, something prevented us. Like...

Monday - she was not here and since her mom is my transportation home, I couldn't go

Tuesday - her sister had a game and that's where her mom would be so she couldn't come pick her up at 5

Wednesday: totally screwed up. we walked all the way to the track field, it was empty, so we walked back to the main building only to find out a day later that practice was held in the gym instead of outside

Thursday (today) - it freaking rained

Do you see my dilemma? 

We have a new track coach so I'm just ready to meet her to see if I'm going to actually like her or if I need to join track again this year.

Yeah, so I'm just rambling on and not really saying anything important. I don't know. It just feels good to get your thoughts out. I'd much rather type than write than because at least you can correct mistakes, right? :P

I currently have $50 saved up that I don't know what to do with (and no I'm not a spoiled brat that gets allowances from my parents. I got it for my birthday last month). I guess I will keep saving it. I'm really horrible at saving money actually so I'll see how that goes.

Well... I think I'm done. I'm not good at closing these so I.... guess... I'll... just... you know..... go now.... bye!

[17remember28]

Oct. 16, 2013

It's been nearly two months and I'm finally getting around to updating this thing. Well, I forgot my livejournal password (not a surprise) so I had to copy all of my old journal entries (which were only about 3) to this tumblr. I think I'll like posting to tumblr better. I will also remember to make these journal entries, too since I visit tumblr a lot more than I visit livejournal.

Did ya know I'm now 15 years old?? I turned 15 on sept. 17. Just thought I'd mention that because I was talking about how I was a month away from my bday on my old journal entry. I don't feel any different but I did get my driver's permit which is kinda cool :D Sucks that I still cannot find anyone who will hire a 15yr old :/

Anyway, there's not much to talk about. The last time I posted (2 months ago) school had just started. Actually it was the first day of school Isn't that crazy? I remember my first day being awful. I read it just now and I can assure you, the semester has gotten better. I have high A's in all of my classes and it's going better than I thought.

It feels like an eternity ago when I posted that entry to livejournal. Time is strange. Sometimes is flies by so fast where you cannot even remember what you did. But, then sometimes it goes by so slow where you can remember every detail. September-October is kind of in the middle. I cannot remember that much about these past 2 months but it certainly didn't go by fast. 

But, yeah, I don't have much to talk about. I'm ready for the week to be over. I always am. As quick as Sunday is over and Monday morning hits I say to myself, "Ugh, when is Friday coming???!!" 

I guess I should stop being so pessimistic and just enjoy high school like everyone else. I do. But, it's hard sometimes to find any good in high school. I think about my future a lot so that's what keeps me motivated to do my best. Also the fact of going to college in a few short years excites me so I strive to make the best grades possible.

My shoulder is beginning to hurt. I'm sitting in the complete dark with the light off and the laptop illuminating my face. I keep making typos and having to correct them because my brain is not working tonight haha. I'm burnt out because I had to take the PSAT test today. It lasted 2 blocks and boy was it long and stressful! It didn't even count towards anything but of course we were required to take it anyway. So, today was a long day to say the least. My teacher (from RDA) did buy this girl and I a cupcake so that nice of her! She's by far one of the best teachers I've ever had. She truly cares about all of her students. Unlike some teachers who are so bitter and have 'favorites'. I dislike teachers who have 'favorites' especially when they make it glaringly obvious.

I hope Thursday and Friday go by fast. I'm hoping for it but we'll see. I guess I'll go watch an episode of Glee now because I have nothing else to talk about. Speaking of Glee, it's my new favorite show. Not that I really had a favorite show before. I watch all seasons 1-(currently 5) and I love it. It's so addicting to watch that I have to watch it everyday or I don't know what I'd do. My favorite character is Ku....Bla...rt... I don't know. I loveeee Kurt but I also love Blaine. I like Santana too. But, yeah, I'm just gonna go watch now....

....Hmm.. ....

.....

I wonder if I'll look back at these stupid entries, say 10 years down the road, and laugh at myself. and my somewhat horrible grammar Probably. If computers still exist *whispers* and if I'm still alive.

[17remember28]

Aug. 19, 2013

Ugh. What can I say about my first day of school? It wasn't good, but... it wasn't that bad. It was such a devastation going to school when I've been doing absolutely nothing the entire summer. I currently have a headache. The day was super long and super boring. Let's take a run-through of all my classes, sha'll we? English 1st block: (Pre-ap) Uggghhhhhhh! Seriously. It was so awkward. I'm the only- and I do mean only black girl in this class. 90% of the kids are preppy white boys, and then 8% is preppy white girls. There's only 2 black boys. I'm literally the only black girl. I was dreading this because I expected this. Other than that, all the teacher did was talk. It wasn't that bad, but again it was so awkward. I sat in the front and I felt like everyone was staring at me. Sigh, I just hope the rest of the semester goes okay. Oh.. and it's seems like a hard class so hopefully I'll keep up. My goal for this year is still A's in all classes. French 1 2nd block: Eh, I don't know how I feel about this class yet. The teacher is really nice. I like the French language, too. I'm not that good at memorization so the whole 'learning a new language' thing might be a bit challenging. I don't know. I will survive, though. This class is much better than 1st block and it doesn't seem as awkward. Even though, I don't really know anyone in there. Bio 3rd block: By the time this class came, we were informed that we had 3rd lunch! THIRD. FREAKING. LUNCH. Seriously?!! It seems like a cool class, though. I think this is a class I'm going to enjoy. Hopefully! I don't want to speak too fast. I did speak to this one girl that sits beside me. I already forgot her name but she seems cool. At least I have something to look forward to in that class. Lunch: Er mah god. Could lunch have been any worse? So.. I'll tell this story like I told my friend of what happened at lunch today: I walk into the cafeteria and it was already jam-packed. Then, after a few more minutes it just got crazy in there. I felt so compacted in the huge crowds that were simply standing around. It was the worst. Because, just my luck, I don't have lunch with my bestfriend. Ugh this sucks so much. But, I might sit with this other girl at lunch tomorrow. I don't know how it's going down. But anyway, I went walking with this girl outside (I don't like her that much but I had no one else to sit with), we both sat our things down beside these 2 white girls. The girl that I don't like very much (let's call her C), so C stays behind and I go in the lunchroom. It was crazy crowded but I was thankful because at least I had a seat. I go in the line for a short time and then I hear something that sounds like RDA (the technology center I have to go to for 4th block) being called over the speaker. So I rush outside to get my stuff, and when I arrive, my book and bookbag is on the ground!!!!!! Wtf. I'm not a confrontational person so I got over it and kindly asked one of the girls at the table if they went to RDA for 4th block, she quickly said no and went back to being engaged in the jabber going on at the table. I then cleared my voice and spoke up, and since my voice isn't very loud, she's the only one that heard me say "Does anyone at the table have RDA?", so she says no again with attitude, not even checking to see IF the girls at the table had RDA. So.. then I just went BACK in with my bookbag and book in hand. After standing in line for what felt like 20 minutes, the students that were going to RDA were finally called. I didn't even get to eat lunch but I was kinda thankful because I had nowhere to sit anyway. So, then I saw this really friendly girl from my school last year and stood beside her and talked with this other white boy until the bus came to take us to RDA Wowwww that was alot! It was just chaos haha. RDA (Intro to Health Science) 4th block: I think this was my favorite class of the day. I've always wanted to work in the medical field. I want to be a Physician Assistant. This class would prepare me for that. I say I like this class the most because the teacher is nice and orderly. She didn't bore us the whole time with talking. We viewed something about premature babies, then wrote a bit of notes. There's only about 10 people in the class, too, which is wonderful. She says we have to memorize some medical terms which is what I could struggle at but I'm hoping my love for the medical field would encourage me to do my best. I also like that this class is at the end of the day. I'm not going to lie, I was a bit tired and hungry since I didn't eat breakfast or lunch. But, this class went by sooo fast! I was surprised, then we took the bus back to the main campus to catch the bus home. Bus loading end of the day: It was weird standing up the whole time waiting for the bus. I was reunited with my friend, though, which is good. I told her I would drag her to watch the 1D: This Is Us Movie with me. She protested but I think I'm getting her to like them ;) Yeah, but we pretty much just talked about our day, random stuff and waited for the bus. Oh and I forgot to include: So... my "boyfriend" rode back with me from RDA. I call him "boyfriend" because I don't really like him. I think I'm lesbian but I honestly don't know. I've been fighting with myself on rather I'm bisexual or just a lesbian. I like boys sexually (I haven't had sex but I like boys' physiques), but then again I love girls emotionally. I just don't feel any type of connection with this current "boyfriend", though. At all. He's a more friend type. I'm just so sad, thought, because I do not want to hurt his feelings. It's so awkward. I'm hoping he'll get the hint and just break up with me already, ugh

SO.. YEAH. Today sucked. Hopefully tomorrow is better but I won't count on it. It's already 6 so I'll try enjoying the rest of my evening. Sigh....

[17remember28]

Aug. 18, 2013

AAAHHH! Can't talk long. I have to finish getting everything ready for school tomorrow. The first day. Ugh, I've been dreading it. I have so much nervous energy that I don't know what to do with. I'm remembering everything that I need for tomorrow. It's freaking me out that in less than 12 hours I'll be already at school sitting with 890308540 of my peers that I hate. Well, not all, but the majority. I hope I get to see my friend tomorrow and I am praying I have a class with her. Or lunch with her. Oh dear, who am I going to sit with at lunch if she's not there? I'm so nervous but also excited and anxious. I have English 1st block like I did last year. I think it's best to have the hardest classes in the morning so I'm glad about that. I'm sitting here on the bed, drinking juice. Not much going on, right? But, my head is spinning with so many thoughts. My heart is beating fast, I really hope tomorrow goes okay. Again... I can't talk long now because I have so much to do. I'll update after school tomorrow about how my day goes. Bye now!!

[17remember28]

Aug. 17, 2013

So.. here goes. I'm writing (..or typing) my very first journal entry. I am an extremely closed-off person so I won't be revealing my name. This diary/journal thing is more for myself than anyone else. I like making friends, but for the most part, I'm by myself, doing my own thing. I don't like to admit it, but I think I have a fear of rejection or dissatisfying others. Keeping a low profile is the best way not to attract attention or negative reactions from people. Some people have a misconception of quiet/shy people of being sad or lonely. But, I find that the quietest people have the loudest minds and best thoughts. I certainly do. I constantly think about what I'm going to do or say and have the deepest discussions in my mind. I tend to think twice about what they're going to say and how to make a good impression. If I'm honest, I hate that about myself. I certainly don't want to talk out of my ass and piss people off but I would like to be a bit more spontaneous and quit worrying about what everyone thinks. I'm working on it. I don't know how long I will stick with these diary entries since I'm not very consistent with things like this. I literally cannot keep with an idea and stick to it. I am going to try writing these daily but I don't know how that will work. One of the few things I did sort of stick with was drinking only water for a few months straight. Even though that was last year though and only lasted a few months, I was proud of of myself. I think I want to start the only-drinking-water thing again but juice is just so tempting and delicious (with good vitamins). Juice is hard to quit, okay?! Especially with nice cold ice cubes in it haha. When I started my "water-only" drinking (with the exception of milk in my cereal and Gatorade here and there) I did a tiny bit of research and read of people who only drink water for the like 30 years or something. How can anyone drink just water for years and years???!!!! Anyway, I personally didn't feel different drinking water like I thought I would. I don't think I had more or less energy. I guess I did feel a bit better about myself because I was doing my body and skin a favor. I almost felt cleaner? I don't know. I was generally healthier back then anyway. But, I'm skinnier now? Which is weird. I literally only eat "junk" now but back then I ate lots of healthy salad and fruits. I think I weighed 125-128lbs back then and now I'm barely 120lbs. So... that just goes to show you... society is lying!!! It's all a conspiracy, you can stuff your face with chips and doughnuts and still be skinny! Lol jk I think the only reason I'm smaller now is because I don't eat THAT much. I probably will eat dinner and then a few snacks in the day. The snacks are granola bars or a small bag of Lay's chips. Whereas, back then, I did eat healthier but I ate alot more. My appetite was bigger because of the workouts at Track practice. I would come home and feel like I could eat a horse. Lots of healthier things but still alot of calories. I was burning them but I was also gaining muscle weight. Ugh, so complicated!!!!! haha Currently, I'm watching a U.K. football match. It's so cool because other countries obsess over soccer (which they call football) and we obsess over football (which they call soccer) It is Manchester United and another team who I don't know the name of. They have white uniforms, though? I'm not really paying attention, sorry. Just trying to give visuals here for my future self to look back at. I feel good today and really relaxed. I'm surprisingly not that nervous for school. Speaking of, school is starting back in just 2 days! It's quite crazy because it literally feels like summer break just started. I didn't do much except sit around so I guess that's why it went so fast. I'm actually a bit excited stating my 10th grade year. It's kind of bittersweet. I'm not that excited about seeing my 'peers' again. Teenagers are just so full of drama. I am getting pumped because my birthday is in one month on Sept. 17th. I will be turning 15 years old. I don't think it will feel much different but I'm looking forward to being older, I guess. I guess this is all for today. I can't really say what will happen the rest of the day because it's only half past 2 in the evening. But, my days are pretty predictable so I think I'm just going to sit around and chill. Finish enjoy the day and tomorrow before school is here.