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Ahhh breathtaking 💜💙💚 #WhenInBaler

#chantel beland #arzaylea #photos #snapchat #081816

Last night we are victorious! Thanks @panicatthedisco 😘 #inthemix #PATD #081816 (at SM MOA Arena, Pasay City)

08/18/2016

Last night I figured out how to Facetime home, so today I got to say hi to mom and all three boys.

I spent most of the afternoon home in bed, figuring out class logistics and working on my Amherst application. Then I got out of bed and took the A bus all the way through its loop so I would know where to get off on Saturday when I start Traditions and then training.

Once I got back I took the F bus to Disney Springs and saw Hell or High Water at the AMC theater there. I got to use my stubs card for the first time, and I haven’t confirmed yet that it worked so, fingers crossed. :) The movie was somewhat emotionally taxing and it got done at 11:40 and it wasn’t until then that it hit me that Orlando is not Chanhassen or Eden Prairie, and so it was somewhat nerve racking walking away from the still somewhat populated part of Disney Springs to go and stand at the bus stop for 20 minutes. I took the wrong turn when I got to the parking lot, but I figured it out pretty quickly and then there were other people at the bus stop, which made it less scary, and then the bus arrived early so I spent about 10 of the 20 minutes sitting on the bus.

I’ve been sort of wondering when the homesickness will hit me, and I’m fairly certain it will hit at whatever point my loneliness becomes overwhelming, so, hopefully if I start making more friends when I start working, the homesickness probably won’t even end up being so bad. The holidays might suck, but I’ll deal with that when I get there. It’s just important to remember that when I’m at home I spend a lot of time being lonely anyways, so there’s no point in feeling lonely or homesick for the short time I’ve got to spend here in Orlando.

I read As You Like It and Macbeth and started Hamlet. Three down, three and 4/5ths to go. I don’t think I can even express in words how much I am not a fan of Shakespeare. Yes, he has a lot of very humorous and very relevant lines in his writing, but that doesn’t make it any less dense and slow to read. And they keep almost putting me to sleep. I will not be unhappy when my Shakespeare class is over I do not think. Reading Macbeth made me want to rewatch the Macbeth restaurant AU movie with James McAvoy in it.

#081816 #betsys dcp adventure

venting, please feel free to ignore.

I don’t have a very nice face. I mean sure, everyone is pretty in my eyes. I’m just not. It’s too round. My eyes are too squinty. I have a tooth that didn’t grow out right and was supposed to be my other canine– at least I think so… it is in the place the other is supposed to be in. But now it’s a snaggle. It always deform my smile… My nose isn’t pretty. When I was little, my mother told me to pinch my nose so it’d be thinner. It didn’t work. I don’t like my body either. It’s too curvy. I don’t like my hips. My legs are okay I guess. I’m not the right weight. People always mention how skinny I’ve gotten when my diet is shit. I always try to keep my stomach slightly sucked in unless wearing something baggy. Whenever they bring my weight up I unconsciously suck in a little more than I usually do… I don’t mind my voice. I can change it easily from pre-pubescent boy to child to teenage boy to Jessica Rabbit pretty easily I guess? I can never do a really manly voice. I like singing. I don’t mind it. And my range is kinda in the middle. I like sewing. I’m not good at it but I like doing it. I’m not that intelligent and I forget stuff easily if I haven’t done it millions of times before. I’ve never been great at talking to people. I’m just so awkward and out of place. I can’t relate to people especially my relatives sometimes because I always shut myself in. I’m just really terrible.

#aeon speaks and no one listens #venting #081816