I felt too “heavy” on inktober day 9. So I skipped this one. 💔

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I felt too “heavy” on inktober day 9. So I skipped this one. 💔
And this is a stupid thing to say, because I know he was more than willing to be there for me, but my best friend who was with me at the time, and he’s here today… I remember him saying, I’m just so sorry. And he was crying his eyes out. Just like, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.
I felt guilty that he felt like that, which is stupid. I’ve said before about how me and my family are some of the characters in the story, but often what’s not often spoke about in the name of grief are people like my best friend and the role they have to play. Now, these are not trained therapists. These are not people who have had any kind of reference of this kind of pain. And all you’re doing as a best friend is demanding— or actually praying, hoping— that they give you something in return that will… not change the reality, but just be there for you.
Nothing in life prepares you for those kind of situations. That’s something that I will forever, forever, ever be in debt to him for. Yes, this was an unfathomable, really impossible situation for me and my family to have found ourselves in. But there are other people at play too, and I can only imagine how hard it was for him. He knew how hard it was for me, and that I had just lost my mum. There are no words. You’re scrambling your brain for words, right, and there just aren’t any.
- Louis Tomlinson, Diary of a CEO (09.10.2025)
Louis Tomlinson’s message for boxer and friend, Dave Allen, via Matchroom boxing (09.10.2025)
it took me what i can only describe
as many a year & One Day
to find my way ( back ) to Yours
a quarter of my hope
waxed & waned
& ebbed & flowed for years
whatever that all might mean
whatever that must’ve been for ...
i’m sure i’ll understand someday
for now
i solve riddles
& put my pieces back together
& believe in Love
over & over
anew
( again again ) ( & Love remains for certain )
new growth arrives
angels revive
i am a portal to & for love
& my hope is altogether restored
i breathe of the medicine
i drink of the medicine
i eat of the medicine
& my hope is altogether restored