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I'm not cut out for this X_X

Like it's great that I'm your dream girl okay yeah yes that's great but I'm not your dream girl for you and I know you know that in the "I don't fashion myself into anything for anyone but myself" way but like. the universe didn't go "Hey this is his dream girl. Let's introduce them so he will be happy and can make her happy!" and you need to understand that. Bc you see.... no offense...... but I kind of. don't care that much.

Is that bad to say? That I don't care much that I'm my own s/o's ""dream come true""? When he tells me I'm smart and funny and beautiful and kind, I sometimes feel nothing about that either 😓 which makes me feel bad. Yes, maybe repeating something a lot does wear it out. Maybe words can overstay their welcome.

I think there's something very wrong with me that this is starting to annoy me. There are so many people who want to be in my shoes and here I am being ungrateful. Isn't that how it always seems to go? The people who can't appreciate and aren't looking for something are the ones who seem to get that thing.

But yes I am getting tired of hearing it. Hearing what? Any of it.

There's something wrong with me. Who wouldn't want to hear over and over that they're the best thing that ever happened to someone? That they're the most amazing person in the world. That they're everything. That they're this and that and this and I Went My Whole Life Just To Find You. Over and over and over and over and over and

okay okay!!! Okay!!!!!!!

I don't know why it's so exhausting for me. Maybe bc I am not a romantic. Maybe it's that plus some other things I haven't rlly figured out yet. It's true I've never rlly taken compliments and praise etc in a normal way.

This is my first romantic relationship. It's too romantic for a first-timer. Cut me some slack. I never aimed for this. I never expected it. I never knew what to do. I've been winging everything.

#anyway i already know. i will have to tell him to tone it down and tell him to pull back a little.#different wavelengths here 😑#1 31 #pers

Okay I'm done 🙏 Thank you for reading my diary 😊

#pers #1 31

Sometimes it is good in particular ways though. Like last weekend my whole upper body was broken out and I had two large zits on my nose and a rosacea flareup and, high as fuck, among the compliments he gave was that I have great skin. Which is something he's said before.

And you see. What I appreciate about that. Is that I also see it that way. The beauty industry doesn't actually dictate beauty, you do. It's nice being reminded that he sees things the way I do. That we're on the same wavelength with this.

Yes, my skin is red and broken out. Yes it is also great. I am glad you understand that.

#i was chilling with my shirt off so yes he could see the entirety of the state of my skin.#he's like that [shrug emoji] he just gets it #pers #1 31 #company

When he sees his life as being all about you but you see your life as being all about him and also nine other things

#pers #1 31 #company

It's not that I lack lapses in confidence and never need to hear praise or whatever but it needs to be the right kind and the right circumstances in order not to just bounce off me. And if I'm already saturated by previous compliments, the rest aren't gonna soak in. They might just get exhausting instead. I don't actually want to hear that I'm amazing 10 times every day X_X Once a week is fine

#my sibling was right he's like a golden retriever #pers #1 31

"We were brought together to help each other through this" The universe doesn't give a shit about us. Chance brought us together and we decided for ourselves what to do about that. Dammmnnn.

#pers #company #1 31

Can't decide between a blueberry, raspberry, or strawberry layer in the lemon cake : / I am most comfortable with blueberry bc I'm always making blueberry jelly/syrup/sauce etc. But idk

#I have a couple weeks to decide #pers #1 31

What should I overshare abt now? Drop an ask 📬