#1.16.21

[thefakejeffreyazoff]

Jeffrey posted on his Instagram Story, 1.16.21

[truc0nfessionz]

i have felt like crying mostly all of today. most of it, i wish i had.

i am full of emotions. and i am processing. i’m working on my agreements. the agreements i can think of right now are:

- i will rise to every challenge this year by doing my best

- i will adamantly decline to participate in spaces that harm me

- i will interact with a guarded integrity, protecting my heart while still giving love

- i will assess each situation with an open mind

[truc0nfessionz]

today i’m feeling emotional for many reasons.

to start, B saw some girl 2 nights in a row that i’ve been out of town and that pisses me off a little. it pisses me off even more because she originally told me she was going to hang with a girl we both knew and i spent the night thinking they had hooked up.

i felt physically sick and so disrespected that she would willingly hook up with a girl we both knew.

this morning she clarified it wasn’t the girl we both knew but it was the girl she had seen the night before and still, i have emotions about that. i feel like i kind of can’t cause she can do whatever she wants but it still hurts a little.

i’m also somewhat upset that shawn didn’t text me on my birthday or at all in the last week and a half. i also see constant references to her on taisias story and it makes me annoyed.

also avia came out of nowhere flaming me on her instagram stories and literally, coming from someone i fought for multiple times professionally that is just too fucking much.

i’m learning that so many people around me are fake and disengenuine, or maybe my expectations are too high. but i’m trying to sit with my feelings - be well.

the four agreements are: be impeccable with your word, make no assumptions, take nothing personally and always do your best. lord and universe, bring peace to my heart. help me see in myself what i seek to see from others.

[axtrn]

i think i figured it out. i’m feeling empty inside bc i feel so much guilt towards javie. i feel super bad for getting him sick, for ruining his weekend, for being selfish, ignorant, etc.

i can’t seem to do anything right. i was so selfish to spend time with him that i hadn’t realized what was at stake (his health). these things happen but i kinda ruined his weekend, something he was looking forward to.

i can’t keep being selfish but how can i find a balance between being selfish & not being taken advantage of.

he’s not taking advantage of me, more me taking advantage of him at times. but my willingness to do whatever it makes me happy. it’s kinda hard to explain but maybe working will help ease my mind off things. i’m overthinking everything & it’s putting me in a rut.

[axtrn]

i’m in the trenches.

when will i stop feeling like this. i feel worthless, non important, too much, just so negative today. i feel like the problem. i could use a hug rn 🥲

i don’t know what it is but i hate myself (-:

[purenumbers]

1/16/21

1 * √√16 = 2 * 1

Also:

1 * 1 * 6 = (2 + 1)!

Also:

1 = √16 - 2 - 1