#1.4.19

[caeliriva]

[99779]

A plane with no pilot, an empty boat, a thundering silence, a lightning bolt, under cover of darkness, endless light, the last breath, a day's night.

[samsi6]

es ist der plan

der plan

der plan

der plan

ist

die fehlerquelle

[missinvisibleandco]

"Simply Complex"

(1.4.19)

[edo-vivendum]

1.4.19

My dietitian only wants me to take one or two classes this semester. I want to take four. My friends all graduate this spring, and I won't graduate until next spring. I have friends who have gotten full time jobs. Here I am, being hesitantly recommended to only take 1 or 2 classes and still not allowed to swim—and we'll see what my therapy and iop team recommend on Monday. I want my life back. But then again, it's not like it was so great before either.

But hey, at least I don't have to fake being happy and having a good time anymore and I can go back to therapy work (independently and with professionals) with breaks of distractions and fun in between.

And S fixed my gaming computer, so I can play elder scrolls online again!!!

And, get this, yesterday we got home at 6pm,and he was here to surprise me!!!! It was sooo sweet.

[only4youtime2dance]

Brendon on twitch yesterday. It was chat, reactions and Fortnite

[bravelyforwardhangingon]

1.4.19 - Letters I Don't Send/Things I Don't Say

Oops. I came to bed with my journal, so instead of handwriting and then blogging, you get a one of a kind (I mean it's only my fourth one) blog entry FIRST.

As someone who often lives inside of my own head, I have so many swirling thoughts. Some positive, some negative....and about a million conversations or things that never get uttered out loud.

There are days when, during my 40ish minute commute, I talk to myself and have both sides of a conversation. It helps me feel better most of the time, and lets me get out the frustrations and feelings without getting into it IRL.

I also write out emails (and maybe one or two Tumblr posts) that never get sent/published.

I don't know if this is a healthy way to deal with my feelings about things or not (guess I'll find out on Monday with my first ever therapy appointment!!) But, for me, it helps.

Here are things I want to say to people IRL. All of these are for different people:

I ♥️you, but sometimes you're a very flaky friend.

Right now you're probably my favorite person- I love how our friendship has evolved since college.

I love you and wish things felt normal. I don't know if it's me or you or your depression, but stuff feels off.

Your kid is the greatest 9 year old ever.

Sometimes I'm the enabler, sometimes you are

It hurt more than I'd like to admit when you unfollowed me on various social media platforms

I worry about your health and well being

[nbamayne]

Lonzo Ball w 17 pts and 6 rebs in loss to the knicks