The line Dean says from 10×16 where he says "There's things, there's people, feelings that I want to experience differently than I have before or maybe even for the first time" so clearly parallels Cas's love confession for me it's sickening. In 15×18 we have Cas saying "I wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like," a clear indicator that this entire season has been about Cas trying to find out what happiness means to him. His conclusion, in finding that his happiness lies in "just saying it" tells us, the viewer, that his journey too, was about experiencing new people and new feelings than he was allowed to before. They are so clearly drawn to the same mission: their arcs are about finding out what it means to truly feel love and to allow oneself to be loved. And this. THIS is what makes their endings so sickeningly devastating.
Cas says, "I could never find an answer because the one thing that I want, it's something I know I can't have," and we know now that it's something they BOTH could never have because their peace was supposed to be in love, in allowing themselves to feel and to accept love.
Dean died bottling up his emotions, pushing aside his grief for Cas and for Jack just like he always did in the beginning. He dies never being able to experience things differently or even for the first time because the only one he has at the end is Sam. His life, his dreams, his emotional maturation is cut short. He dies still believing that Sam was better than him, that he was smarter, that Sam shouldn't have even opened his dorm room door to Dean. He died without learning to truly accept other people's love.
Cas died becoming the martyr, living out his purpose as a sacrifice one more time because that's what he was taught love is: painful, one-sided, a sacrifice. Even when he talks to Jack about love and loss, Cas says, "the point is that they were here at all, that you got to know them" because he expects to be left by everyone he loves. He believes that the point of being a cosmic being is to learn from humans and go on. He lives expecting nothing to ever be reciprocated. He is taught his life is meant to be lonely. He didn't believe he could ever find peace because he didn't think anyone could love him back in that way. He died still believing that the best thing he ever did for Dean was be useful, that even though Dean changed him, he couldn't see how he changed Dean too.
They are so, so clearly paralleled in so many ways: weaponized, made to be obedient, struggling through journeys of faith, and this. ALL of this. All of the emotions and the grappling with themselves, their worth, their identities. They are literally MADE to be counterparts on this Godforsaken show, and now, explicitly it is written that they are meant to be ROMANTIC counterparts, and yet we are supposed to believe that Dean is happy with his ending in heaven where he just waits for his brother for an eternity? We're supposed to believe that Cas is happy rebuilding heaven and doesn't even bother to come greet Dean when he gets there? WHERE is their peace? WHERE IS IT??? All of that character building, all of these parallels, all of this intertangling of emotions, and FOR WHAT?
The biggest slap in the face is that when Cas said he'd never be able to have the one thing he wants, Supernatural showed us that that was true, that he can't have Dean and Dean can't have him and neither of them can be truly happy or find peace with their endings. What the FUCK kind of message is that???
