He Always Has A Way
I’ve been fighting with myself on how I feel about him. One day I’m 100% completely in love him and the next I want to hit him up side the head with a frying pan. When I first met him I didn’t think he’d be such a big part of who I am today. He showed me how to live. How to see things differently. He gave me a life. 2 years ago I could have told you there was no way that I would ever like him. Personally I couldn’t really see myself with him. As I got to know him I found myself falling for the little things he does, the way he talks, walks, sings. His long luscious hair. They way he hugs me and tells me that everything’s going to be ok. I was fine fantasizing about being with him, because I knew there would be no way I could get a amazing guy like him. Until one night he texts me saying he wants to just drive and he has to get some stuff off his chest. Turns out that was the night that changed everything between us. Went from friends to a little bit more than friends. He was my first kiss and boy was it magical. I went home that night changed forever. The next couple of night were also just as amazing. There was a catch to all of this though. He was in love with a long time best friend and wasn’t able to give his heart out to me. So we couldn’t really ever be together because he was going to win over her heart and be with her eventually. Over the next months we continued being a little more than friends until he started to drift away. This saddened me a lot. I got attached to him and I had no idea how to un-attach myself from him. I’ve texted and was seeing him almost every chance I got to. For practically 4 to 5 months. Later in the year I was eventually able to un- attach myself from him, but he was still the guy I wanted….needed in my life. Whether it was just as a friend or him being mine after all. When I unattached myself from him, we drifted from being friends and just became more just co-workers but still friendly with each other. He still knew how to make me happy or just smile when he knew I needed it but it wasn’t like before. Now almost exactly a year later, he’s come back into my life in the way I’ve been needing for a long time. We text more and even starting to hangout more. I’ve gotten to know the new him, and what he’s doing with his life. I’m happy that he’s letting me back into his life again. I still have all the feeling I always had for him, but now just contemplating if I should tell him how I really feel or just stay as is and be his friend. The last thing I want to do is ruin our friendship and him go away again. I just want him to want me as much as I want him but I really don’t know how or what I feel for him I just know feelings are there and they keep changing……if this has made any sense at all….this just proves how confused how I feel about it all….he always has a way of making me want him even when I know I shouldn’t…..he knows how to get inside my head and my thoughts…..just proves that he really does know me better than I know myself……then today, or technically yesterday…..he knew exactly how to get ahold of me even when I had no way of communication with him…..but I’m glad he did cause I got to see him and it made my day that much better…..hopefully I’ll eventually truly figure out if he’s the one for me or he just came into my life just to show me that true love is out there and I will find it eventually. He really does always know