Sep 14, 2019
Happy 23rd Birthday, Adrian!!
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Happy 23rd Birthday, Adrian!!
Adiós Cristiano (2009-2018)
i was thinking about you in chem today. something about having seventeen electrons, needing one more - you’re like that one, yeah? that one missing electron needed to make me happy. and yes, it’s about me - no, fuck the periodic table and all its labels, this is about me, and i’m missing you. i can’t really function all that right, because i’m missing you. missing missing missing - just you. unstable, or something like that.
funny thing is, i’m pretty sure you’re not missing me, and i don’t think that’s how the teacher taught it.
Today's birthday boy is...
Hideri Kanzaki! He's hot and I like him.
ANGELLLLL
Today has gone smoothly with my meal plan!
L and I woke up at 4:45am and had a quick bit of coffee, and then we headed out. L definitely broke the speed limit driving 😂. Between her driving and the hour of the day, we made the drive from Boston to Manhattan in nearly 3 hours flat (which is crazy good time).
The walk was super fun, but so overwhelming. I saw five of my friends from res and some of the nursing staff from there. It was really crowded, and crowds give me so much anxiety. But I bought a little stuffed bear in a NEDA shirt, and it's just fantastic. I named him Alo which is Latin for 1.cherish, 2.feed, nourish, 3.support, maintain, develop–which I think is such a perfect combination of definitions for a recovery bear. Alo honestly comforted me a lot while things were a little chaotic.
While I was feeling really overwhelmed, I made the decision I was going to skip am snack and gave L some bullshit excuses about having it in a bit and how it was too crowded or whatever (while she ate hers). She let me get away with it while one of our other friends was standing there, but once she walked off she asked if I wanted to sit out of the crowd to have snack, but I only heard the "out of the crowd" part so I agreed, and once we sat down and I realized what she said I agreed to do it.
After the walk we went to a coffee shop and just chilled for a while, and then we went outside and sat in a park and had our packed lunches. Later we met up with one of L's college friends and got snack. We headed out at around 3pm, and we're still on our way back to Boston rn. We stopped for dinner at a Moe's.
We got to see the sunset too!! But this morning it was too cloudy to see the sunrise. I should be back at the apartments by 8:30, which should give me some downtime to relax, journal, and do some assignments before I head to sleep.
Today has had its ups and downs—I've felt a lot of sadness and this melacholy feeling of just being out of place in my life. My body image has been horrible as well. I feel like I've gained a fair bit around my middle but nowhere else and it's frustrating. I mean, all my healthy clothes fit me, so I probably mostly have some body dysmorphia and maybe a bit of bloating. Regardless, my body image sucks. But most of my day has been quite good. I saw two sweet girls from res who I've really missed. Neither of them are doing great, but I'm hoping things will improve for them. I also have had a great time jamming with L in the car, and riding in and out of NYC is so much fun—huge cities have such mystic energy, and I just love it.
part 2 of 3 of the kings’ pregame warmup back on 10/7/18--various individual shots
part 1 of 3 of the kings’ pregame warmup back on 10/7/18--forwards jaret anderson-dolan and michael amadio