#101 stuff

[asexualadvice]

Do asexual people still have sex?

Some do, but according to our last community census, only 35% of asexuals have had sex in their lifetimes, and only 12% were sexually active at the time. Some aces have sex, but most do not.

-Kiowa

[asexualadvice]

What would you define as ace? Because I think I'm asexual, but I've heard many different meanings.

This is a very neat way to ask about the information in our FAQ without directly asking the questions answered in the FAQ. 

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction. That’s it. That’s the only definition. That’s what the community has agreed upon. 

-Kiowa

[asexualadvice]

I've tried looking, but I can't really find them. What are the different "levels" of asexuality? I know there is asexual, grey-ace, and that's all I remember. What also are the definitions of each of them? Sorry if you have the answer to these on your page already....

They aren’t “levels” - they’re different identities all along the asexual spectrum. The “big three” are:

asexual - someone who feels no sexual attraction

gray-asexual - someone who feels limited sexual attraction under specific circumstances, confusingly, randomly, fleetingly, or in some other confusing or unclear way 

demisexual - someone who only feels sexual attraction to someone they have a close bond with

Check out our glossary or anagnori’s list. 

-Kiowa

[asexualadvice]

Hi, so I've recently started identifying as asexual, I've only told a couple of friends so far but anyway... My question is what is the difference between the types of attraction i.e. sexual, sensual, romantic?

We’ve defined all of them in our glossary. Please read that and if you’re still confused, come ask us a more specific question. 

-Kiowa

[asexualadvice]

Hi there I read the FAQ to make sure my question wasn't there, and I couldn't find anything that quite fit. So I supposed I have multiple questions. Can asexuals still be willing to do some sexual things if they want to please their partner? And do asexuals have a limit to what they're willing to do sexually, and does it vary among different people? Also, would you consider het-romantic asexuals or even gray-asexuals to be under the queer umbrella? Sorry for all the questions haha

1) Some asexuals are willing to do sexual things to please their partner. Most are not, but some are.

2) It depends on the asexual. Not all asexuals are the same. Some think sex feels awesome and enjoy having it. Some will only have sex with their partner and only on their terms. Some won’t do anything sexual ever. Everybody’s different, though most asexuals won’t do anything sexual.

3) Yes. If you are asexual or asexual spectrum, you are queer. Doesn’t matter where on the spectrum, doesn’t matter what your romantic orientation is. 

-Kiowa

[asexualadvice]

My dad is asexual, the only couple of times he tried to have sex was when I was conceived. I need to explain to people that it is not impossible, but they don't seem to understand without telling me that mom must have raped him (wtf??? what kind of logic is that?), could you help me?

It sounds like the people you’re talking to don’t understand what asexuality is. We have a lot of resources in our sidebar if you want to find something authoritative-looking to show them. Or, you can just tell them: “Being asexual just means my dad doesn’t experience sexual attraction. Being asexual doesn’t mean someone doesn’t like or doesn’t have sex. Some asexual people never have sex, but some do. My dad chose to have sex because he wanted a biological child with my mother. That doesn’t mean he was coerced into it, and it doesn’t mean he’s not asexual.”

-Filbert

[asexualadvice]

What does allosexual mean? Do you pronounce it like the plant?

Allosexual means “not asexual” or “feels sexual attraction.” I’m not sure what plant you’re referring to, but it’s said like aloesexual. 

-Kiowa

[asexualadvice]

Is the "A" in LGBTQA for asexual?

Yup! The A stands for asexual, aromantic, and agender.

-Kiowa