It is Sunday November 8th, 2020. I feel like I’m drowning in work and I don’t have time to even do things I need to do to take care of myself. I’m exhausted.
I weighed in at 224.6 today, which isn’t as much progress as I would like to see. I’m slowly inching down at a rate that’s manageable, but that makes me feel kinda like it’s all for nothing, yknow? I can’t lose faith now, though. I haven’t even hit my first goal yet :(
I just wish I didn’t feel so bad about my body. I grab and poke at my fat wishing it to disappear, but even after months of work I can’t see a difference. It’s infuriating. I know I’m eating too much to lose weight at the speed I want, but it’s so fucking hard to deny myself when one more thing won’t put me up to maintaining, just over the 2lb a week loss that I want.
I have a wedding I’m going to in less than two months. I don’t want to look like a frumpy ball of fat, I want to look like a beautiful 21 year old. There’s no way I can lose 70 lbs in two months, though, especially not when I lost just over 20 in 4 months. 🙄 Hopefully my friends will at least not feel like I gained weight since they last saw me.
I’m really over it. I’m trying to be positive to maintain like, some sanity, but it just doesn’t feel possible.
