#118buckleys

[118diazs-a]

he's here and giving his husband the biggest smooch (if he dips him a little then oopsie) (and if he's trying to make up for something with this then oopsie pt2)

eddie wants to stay mad just to be petty but it's impossible when he's being kissed breathless by his husband and when he feels himself being dipped, he squeezes onto buck's bicep on the off chance they slip. he knows his cheeks are red when he's standing upright again. he wants to pull away to keep pouting alone in the kitchen but instead he just rests his forehead against his. he stands there for a minute before finally letting out a groan. he feels like the toddler in the living room instead of a thirty year old man. " i really wanted that cupcake. "

@118buckleys

[pseudolife]

@118buckleys

buck putting a scarf around tommy's neck <3 [ soft gestures ]

Like most men of his age, Tommy didn't have a small list of regrets but a mountain of them. Things both large and small in his life that he would never get over, never grow past and would continue to feel shame for, probably forever. Things that he might have been forgiven for, but would never really forgive himself for - The breakup was just one of those things - maybe the biggest in recent years. Something that he still felt like groveling for even months later, something that still kept him awake at night in that funny LA apartment, even with Evan's face mashed into his chest, and strong fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt, something that haunted him even then as they stood there in the snow, Evan gleeful as he wound a scarf around Tommy's neck - his scarf, because the pilot had forgotten his somehow in the mess of getting ready for their small and rushed winter vacation together -

"You're going to get cold, Evan," He doubted that, despite his own words. Doubts that Evan Buckley even knew the meaning of being cold. Being cold meant standing still, being cold meant being still, and the younger man didn't know anything but how to go fast, how to move, how to be alive even in the sound dampened mountains of Northern California.

Being still didn't suit him, reminded Tommy of that night in the kitchen when he'd fucked it all up - and the weeks-months-nearly a year he spent after trying to figure out how to fix it.

The memory is as devastating now as it has been for months. Grabs Tommy by the throat and nearly strangles him breathless as he watches Evan work about setting the scarf just right - watches bright blue eyes crease with amused focus as a sharp wind hits them and has Tommy hunkering down into the scarf regardless of his earlier protests.

" - Alright, alright," His own hands, clad in the warmest, thickest gloves he owned, frame the younger man's face, tilting it upwards so that he can lean down and press a wet kiss to cold lips. "You win, but I'm not playing nurse when you get sick."

Yes he was, he absolutely was.

[118diazs-a]

(=ﾟωﾟ)ﾉ / WHY NOT !

eddie gets a collar, @118buckleys

sometimes, even when it's not a full moon, eddie's werewolf brain becomes more feral than usual. it can usually be connected to his human brain already spiraling over something. he's snarling and snapping at anything that moves, he's falling and falling deeper into that headspace with no end in sight.

but then there's something around his neck that brings him the same comfort as when buck lays on him when he can't sleep. the collar now around his neck is like a weighted blanket for his brain and only then does the spiraling come to a stop because he knows what it means. he's lucky that his vampire knows him better than he does.

insert dog joke here about it but eddie instantly feels like he belongs. he belongs to buck and no one can take that from him. it being around his neck also means it's the only thing he has to worry about now. it's giving him the permission to put it all down. he usually can handle the overwhelming feeling with a hunt with buck but there's hunters in town so they have to be careful.

eddie is not usually so like this. he likes to have the control firmly in his grip, to know in his head that he actually does have control of his life despite everything that's happened to prove otherwise. sometimes he needs it taken away though, when he's spiraled like this to the point of no coming back and his wolf fully on board too. he needs the control taken and given to the only person in the world he trusts enough to hand it off to.

buck has him. he's safe. the gasps at the realization. his wolf whimpers and he smiles blissfully. " thank you. "

[118diazs-a]

it all happens really quick. eddie was preparing himself since they left the station for a kid being involved but he never could've prepared himself for it to be his own daughter laying there. unconscious and not breathing. he's silent as he moves anyone that isn't buck out of his way to get to her and really not giving much of a fuck how careful he is about it. he doesn't even know what's coming out of his mouth or what his hands are doing.

but his hands are the only ones that can save her.

there's a hand on his shoulder and he thinks it's bobby telling him that he needs to back away so someone that isn't her father can work on her. protocol and what not but he actually growls at the suggestion that someone can save his own daughter better than he can. his hands are behind his back and it takes a minute before he realizes it's athena, moving him away so chim and hen can take over. she says something that snaps him out of it. his more logical side of the brain snaps back into focus. he can't do this and he needs buck. he looks at him for the first time and tears finally fall.

they're being pushed into the engine and when the door shuts he punches the front seat. " fuck ! " he roughly rubs his hand over his face and breathes out shakily. " i'm sorry. " he says so quietly he's not even sure buck can hear it. for possibly scaring him, especially right now, and for not being the one that's going to save her. because she will be fine. it should be him though. he'll feel guilty about that forever. " you okay? what -- what the fuck. what the fuck is going on out there ? "

@118buckleys

[118diazs-a]

' i love you . ' / just cause <3

and the thing is -- eddie knows. it took a while to be so sure of that love, because of own personal issues outside of buck, but he feels it every day and it doesn't matter if he deserves it because it's there. it's one of the few things in this life eddie's actually sure about. that still doesn't stop his cheeks from turning slightly red. " and i love you. "

[118diazsarchive]

@118buckleys sent: " every time I ask, you shut me out. don't you trust me ? "

" jesus fuck. -- yes, of course i trust you ! "

eddie raises his voice and immediately regrets it. he hates himself when he slips up and does this. he really doesn't mean to yell but his skin itches and he's starting to see everything in tunnel vision. " sorry. " he pulls at the ends of his hair and sits down, breathing in and out. jello. he's just jello. he starts to relax. he reminds himself that it's not the end of the world, this is fixable. he just has to use his words to fix it.

it makes his teeth hurt that buck would even have to ask if he trusts him because it's the second easiest thing he's ever done after loving his son. but he guesses he has been weird these past couple of days. weeks. months. he has been avoiding every question and changing the subject when he can't.

he knows buck isn't stupid and he isn't sure why he thought he would get away with that.

he might've gotten a little too used to being alone then got used to the idea that buck could just read his mind that he forgot that he actually couldn't. " i'm sorry. " he whispers again. " of course i trust you. " he says softer this time. " fuck. i didn't mean to shut you out but i can't --- i don't know how to talk about things like you do, buck. i fake it at work and i fake it with chris. i'm exhausted, i can't --- " he starts to get worked up again and breathes out through this nose, fingers digging into his palm to hold himself back.

" i need to tell you something. "

[118diazsarchive]

@118buckleys

this is a stupid idea. shannon left a few months ago and his kid is at home probably being brainwashed by his parents so yeah, stupid idea. 'you should have some adult time, eddie.' he's pretty sure this is just so it can be used against him later but fine -- he's out and he's at a rodeo. he brought a friend from high school that he hasn't really seen since graduation and that feels like a lifetime ago instead of just a few years. they find themselves at the concessions and eddie orders a beer even though he rarely drinks but if there's any situation to drink in it's clearly this one. he turns around to leave and immediately bumps into someone, sending the beer sloshing around the cup and some spilling onto the man he bumped into. " shit, sorry -- " he looks up and oh that is a beautiful man. where did that thought come from? he's has eyes so he knows when men are attractive but beautiful ? that's a new one. he snaps himself out of whatever spiral that was about to send him down because there's no time. " sorry about that i'll buy you something. " why did he say that? does he even have the money to buy him something?

[118diazsarchive]

@118buckleys " it’s okay. it’s okay. i’m right here, okay? i’m not gonna leave you. i’m never gonna leave you. "

the full moon shines bright in the otherwise dark sky and into their room. he misses the way the stars shined in texas way more than he would ever admit -- he needs to take buck there one day because he knows how beautiful he would look under the stars there. if you don't kill him first. " you're being stupid. " he says through pointed teeth and claws digging into his own thigh.

he doesn't want to hurt buck.

eddie is fully aware that he is a vampire so he will heal and take more than anyone else but he can still rip buck's throat out. he can still kill him instantly just like buck can do to him. and usually, on any other night, that would be thrilling to him in a way he won't admit out loud but they both know. but right now he's just losing control and quick. " you should really reconsider that. " eyes glow, a growl from deep in his chest then he gets an idea. " drink. it'll distract me. "