i’ve been trying to put up a front in front of my family. i’ve been trying to tell my own sister “my favorite person in the entire world died on monday.” but i cant.
i cant because i get choked up.
i cant because tears start to form in my eyes.
i cant because i feel like she won’t understand why i’m feeling this way about someone i have never met, and have never known personally.
i cant because if i do say it with my own voice... it just.. it makes it even more real that it happened.
maybe it’s because i’m still in denial about it all, like, i’m still waiting to wake up from this horrible dream. like, everyone right now just suddenly found the need to continuously speak about jonghyun bc he made a comeback or something. like, it’s some horrible stunt created by sm..
but i know none of that is true, and that he really did pass away.. i don’t know, maybe i’ll just never say anything about it, maybe i’ll just never fully accept he’s physically gone from this world.