her.
Mornings comprised her most difficult battles - it held the struggle of getting out of bed and the idea of letting herself be devoured by her thoughts, by the shackles of the past - it was nightmare the second after she opened her eyes. But like any other nightmare, she wakes up from it. No matter how heavy it weighed on her chest, she pulls herself out of bed, she makes it, and she prepares for another day.
The moments after the first few hours of consciousness remain to be a mystery in each passing day - the unknown waiting to be discovered. She takes it slowly, for she is unsure what wave of emotion will hit her the next second. One moment, she will be dancing around her room, banging her head to the girlboss playlist she prepared, and then the next, she’s laying down and staring to the nothingness. In those moments, you’ll know she’s breaking her heart again. But, healing is a process isn’t it? She knows that the waves will soon calm down and her heart will finally be at peace with her.
Through her pain, she grabs the paint brush and let her heart speak its truth. In those panels, she pours every ounce of emotion - may it be melancholia or bliss. When the brush starts to form callouses in her hands, she drops it and turns to the hundreds of pages waiting to be read. She turns to poetries, to stories of fictional characters, and through them, she gets to live another version of reality.
Sometimes, she grows tired of poetries about two lovers and finally realizes she craves for stories about women who made it through alone. She craves for knitted words that tell the battles won by women through sheer bravery and courage. She searches for the perfect poetry that pictures the awful process of healing, the desperate crying on the bathroom floor, the begging on gods and the entire universe, and the transition to finding themselves in the middle of the chaos they created.
In the most difficult times, she makes an active choice to show up just like the sun, and even after that, she still tries her hardest to move one step forward. She gets lost one too many times, but that’s only because she tries. By trying, she knows she’ll find her way out one day and by then, she would have been the most unbreakable person you’ll ever meet.
I love her. I am her.
