#13yoohyeon

[13xxander-blog]

thread ;; free your mind of fears with @13yoohyeon​

it’s always quiet here, with the wind brushing softly through his hair, surrounded by the green and peacefulness of nature. there is nothing chemical in the air here, nothing man-made and smelling. like a place from long forgotten memory, an echo of a time when he could still curl up underneath a tree and dream away in a part of the world free of humanity’s stain.

only he wasn’t alive in that time. he doesn’t remember a time before even the most remote parts of nature were somehow affected by smog or pollution. and yet here it is, a perfect recreation of such a place, of freedom and peaceful quiet without any rude interruptions, without anything to fear. nature in its purest form.

but of course, the only reason he has nothing to fear is because he’s at the top of the food chain in this place. there is no predator out trying to get him, he is the one deciding what to eat next. he is the one occasionally running off to go on a hunt, to chase his nose to the ends of the forest and back. only there is no end and he can go on forever. such is the luxury of this place, such is the luxury of the width of his imagination.

the thing is, he’s not always alone. sometimes there is a person there with him. there are moments when he scents her on the breeze, other times she steps walks into sight and doesn’t even try to hide her presence. very occasionally she feels like something out of place. but he doesn’t mind her. she has yet to reach out to him in anger or with the intention to destroy, and so he never tries to chase her away. the place is big enough to be shared those few times she’s around.

she is back again this time, with her silent thread and seemingly ethereal shape. he knows one can’t dream up faces one has never seen before, so he knows she’s not a figment of his imagination, but he doesn’t know where she’s from then. it doesn’t quite matter to him either, not in this place where he knows he is safe, where the rules of the world bend to his imagination.

so when she appears, he merely lifts his head ever so slightly, gazing at her momentarily to indicate he is aware of her presence, and then putting his head back down on his paws so he can continue his lazy afternoon lounging in the warm sunlight.

[13xjingoo]

Dream Through the Noise

@13yoohyeon

Jingoo finally managed to coax his grandmother into a nap on the little guest bed in the hospital room. His grandfather had been asleep in his own hospital bed for most of the afternoon, worn out from his first day of treatment, and his grandmother had wanted to hold her husband’s hand. It took a better part of that hour to convince her to rest, so she could better look after her husband once he was awake, and that left Jingoo curled up in an uncomfortable chair and watching them both lie still beneath the blankets.

There was no way that Jingoo could sleep. Ever since he stepped inside the building, it was like a weight had settled on his chest. It made it hard to breathe, like the air itself was trying to suffocate him.

At least he knew what to blame. Hospitals were a one-stop shop for misery and death and one terrible thing after another on the precipice of becoming reality. It was omnipresent and inescapable.

No, not a weight. Like he was slowly drowning in despair. It was like their home was, only a hundred times worse because there were a hundred times the people dying here.

He didn’t want to think about that. Jingoo wanted to think about something beyond how sick his grandfather was, how worried his grandmother was, how unfair it was that he was going to lose someone else. Not today, not tomorrow, but there was no chance his grandfather would see him graduate from high school.

He should have brought his homework. Maybe then he would have something to keep his mind from this slow, sinking spiral of fear and not-yet-death and too-little air.

Jingoo wrapped his arms loosely around his knees and leaned his head back against the wall. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, trying to keep himself grounded.

In and out. In and out. In and out.

Whatever is going to happen here, there is nothing he can do to stop it or help it. Jingoo told himself that over and over again and wished, not for the first time, that thoughts were enough to make these feelings go away. To quell the feeling of impending doom in his heart.

In and out and in and out and out.

A sigh, shifting, and in spite of himself, Jingoo fell asleep.