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[hx--raeth]

None of us ever know all the possible courses our lives could have, and maybe should have, taken. It’s probably just as well. Some secrets are meant to stay secret forever. Just ask Pandora.

Liane Moriarty

[hx--raeth]

“You always do help me,” he said. “How?” I asked, very surprised. “By your cheerfulness.” That was certainly the loveliest thing he said. It was wonderful, he must have grown to love me as a friend, and that is enough for the time being.

- Anne Frank, about Peter

[hx--raeth]

I relate with this entry so goddamn much

Saturday, 30 January, 1943

Dear Kitty, I’m boiling with rage, and yet I mustn’t show it. I’d like to stamp my feet, scream, give Mummy a good shaking, cry, and I don’t know what else, because of the horrible words, mocking looks, and accusations which are levelled at me repeatedly every day, and find their mark, like shafts from a tightly strung bow, and which are just as hard to draw from my body. I would like to shout to Margot, van Daan, Mr. Dussel— and Daddy too—”Leave me in peace, let me sleep one night at least without my pillow being wet with tears, my eyes burning and my head throbbing. Let me get away from it all, preferably away from the world!” But I can’t do that, they mustn’t know my despair, I can’t let them see the wounds which they have caused, I couldn’t bear their sympathy and their kind-hearted jokes, it would only make me want to scream all the more. If I talk, everyone thinks I’m showing off; when I’m silent they think I’m ridiculous; rude if I answer, sly if I’ve got a good idea, lazy if I’m tired, selfish if I eat a mouthful more than I should, stupid, cowardly, crafty, etc. The whole day long I hear nothing else but that I am an insufferable baby, and although I laugh about it and pretend not to take any notice, I do mind. I would like to ask God to give me a different nature, so that I didn’t put everyone’s back up. But that can’t be done. I’ve got the nature that has been given to me and I’m sure it can’t be bad. I do my very best to please everybody, far more than they’d ever guess. I try to laugh it all off, because I don’t want to let them see my trouble. More than once, after a whole string of undeserved rebukes, I have flared up at Mummy: “I don’t care what you say anyhow. Leave me alone: I’m a hopeless case anyway.” Naturally, I was then told I was rude and was virtually ignored for two days and then, all at once, it was quite forgotten, and I was treated like everyone else again. It is impossible for me to be all sugar one day and spit venom the next. I’d rather choose the golden mean (which is not so golden), keep my thoughts to myself, and try for once to be just as disdainful to them as they are to me. Oh, if only I could!

Yours, Anne

[hx--raeth]

Honestly, you needn’t think it’s easy to be the badly brought up central figure of a hypercritical family in hiding. When I lie in bed at night and think over the many sins and shortcomings attributed to me, I get so confused by it all that I either laugh or cry; it depends what sort of mood I am in.

-Anne Frank

[hx--raeth]

I can’t tell you how oppressive it is never to be able to go outdoors, also I’m very afraid that we shall be discovered and be shot. That is not exactly a pleasant prospect. We have to whisper and tread lightly during the day, otherwise the people in the warehouse might hear us.

Anne Frank

[hx--raeth]

Left to myself, I became alone and full of love. When one is alone one always loves. In fact, it is because one loves, and one is alone, one does not die.

The Serpent and The Rope

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And once the waves passed, there would still be love. It was an entirely different feeling from the uncomplicated, unstinting adoration she’d felt as a young bride, walking down the aisle to that serious, handsome man; but, she knew, that no matter how much she hated him for what he’d done, she would always still love him. It was still there, like a deep seam of gold in her heart. It would always be there.

The Husband's Secret, Liane Moriarty

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When you were young you talked about ‘falling in love’ with such amusing gravity, as if it were an actual recordable event, when what was it really? Chemicals. Hormones. A trick of the mind. She could have fallen in love with Connor. Easily. Falling in love was easy. Anyone could fall. It was holding on that was tricky.

The Husband's Secret, Liane Moriarty