Met Newton today and realized for the first time that we don't have anything in common. Nothing at all. I've known this earlier but I haven't quite realized it until now.
I guess it begun with him talking about how different people are with different people and in different places. He said that being in Gävle with his friend, he felt free and.. something more. Happy? Himself? Something like that. And in Norrköping, with his other friend who he has less in common with than the first friend but that didn't matter as all you need to be is a nice guy and everything would sort out. He felt a little less free there but still free and great. But here in Mullsjö he felt that he's just waiting for time to pass. The only one in Mullsjö he's got is me. Sure I shouldn't take the blame, there is no one to blame in this matter. But I feel sad about this.
When we were at his house we asked each other what to do but no one knew. I told him to finish watching that serie he begun earlier before I came to his house. So he did and I watched too. When it finished we begun playing LoL while I was in the bathroom. He just had to take his first-win. Sure why not? We couldn't have sex anyway as I had my period. Hoped it would be over today but nooo. I layed in his bed though, chilling. Eventually I asked him what we had in common. He responed instantly with "Nothing". "Really?" I asked, "Yes, there is nothing. Why?", "I was thinking about it myself when I tried to come up with something to talk about". And that's the horrible truth. I feel sad. I've earlier, when we talked about the future, felt sad that he's sooo accepting over the fact that we won't know each other within a year from now, he's lost so much contact with others when they've moved. He mentioned this too earlier. At least he seemed a little sad about that fact now. Way.
Sure the reality is depressing. I don't see the future positively. But I've had it OK, I don't think so much about it. I just know I like languages, I could study that at the university. I could move to a different city and study, get away from the family. But when we talked I couldn't see anything. I could only see sorrow and pain. Working all day and when you're finally home you're too tired to do anything. Go to the gym, do your hobby, seeing friends.
I don't want him to give me compliments. I don't feel like doing anything of what he encourages me to do. I don't want to see all the movies, all the series, I don't want to draw. I feel like breaking the contact with him entirely. Yet I don't. I feel so lonely. Why am I hanging out with him so much when he isn't a proper friend?