#1:58pm

[ajyal-azez]

أنتِ تُحيين في فؤادي ما قد

‏مات في أمسي السعيد الفقيد

‏وتُشيدينَ في خرائب روحي

‏ما تلاشى في عهديَ المجدود.

[ajyal-azez]

اتمنى أن اقرأ كتاباً ينسيني أمر الواقع، لأطير معه فوق سحب الخيال.

[diaries-of-a-hopeless-soul]

Entry #49: May 9th, 2019 (1:58pm)

Mother's day is coming up and I don't have a job and I'm paying back loans. I've explained this to my mother many times so I can't afford a nice gift or a night out to dinner. I thought she understood that but now I'm not so sure. She kept nagging me to shave all the hair off my face so she could see my "baby face" one last time before she kicks the bucket. I told I can't do that for two reasons. One, the part of my face that's covered by my beard isn't familiar with that kind of irritation to the skin since I haven't shaved down to the grain on that area in like a decade. So it doesn't matter how many creams or whatever I use, it won't prevent the shaving bumps, the ingrown hairs, and the pimples from happening. I went on accutaine once before, and I won't do that again. I'm already incredibly suicidal, I don't need to do the deed before I planned to. Secondly, I'm not some doll. My life isn't to be.lived for someone else. She's always telling me to wear shorts, to wear nicer clothes, to shave, etc. I don't wear those clothes or shave because I'm uncomfortable with my body. Every time I sit down I feel the fat around my stomach and it instantly spreads. I get reminded how big my thighs are, I also see how ruined my fingers are from years of hyper grooming. I'm incredibly uncommon with my body, but my beard is the only thing I like to show off. It's the one thing I've finally gotten right. I like the way it makes me feel about myself. But no, she was genuinely disappointed when I didn't get rid of the one thing that makes me feel confident in myself. But I hate confrontation, so I didn't say anything back to her yesterday when this happened. That's why I'm glad I keep this journal. If she's not too inept to find it, she'll finally understand what her words mean and how they affect other people. I. Am. Not. A. Doll.

[the-run-away-dreamer]

I am irreparably broken

I am a burden on this world

And I should not be here.

[aesventing-blog]

i hate how absolutely hopeless i feel. i hate how i look. i hate my voice. i hate how dumb i am. i hate how talentless i am. i wish i was either someone else or dead.

[glowpony]

I have an exam at 8 but I really don't feel like studying right now.

[closetgremlin]

Arcana time!

Let's start with books i-v then maybe Asra's vi and ix

Good plan

[muppetstigmata]

I have so many plants they've all lost their personalities. I know I named on Shrek but he doesn't feel like Shrek anymore. Porthos is dying, one I'm changing the name of, I've got a shit ton of succulents that are just dying and all bunched up idk who they are