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"Beauty in the struggle,

...ugliness in the success.” -J.Cole

If I could best summarize the last 25 years of my life, I think that describes it pretty well. Have tasted plenty of both success and failure - in my academics, relationships with people, my walk with Christ... and now ministry. I don’t think there was ever a moment where I thought to myself: “Wow, I did it. I’ve done everything well.” As a person who is very highly critical of myself, it was difficult for me to not see the flaws in my actions, the mistakes that I’ve made along the way, and to blame myself (& others & God) for the consequences that I needed to pay. I’m sure I’ve done a lot of good things in this life, but I’ve also done plenty of bad - and it was the latter that has always gripped me, dominated how I viewed things about my life, and directed how I thought/acted/lived.

But I’m thankful, to now realize that when it says that God makes all things work together for my good (”for those who love God who are called according to His purpose” -Romans 8:28), that He literally meant everything. The more I study at seminary, the more I get drawn into the truth that God seriously is sovereign over everything - He makes people specifically as they are, with specific circumstances, with specific purposes in mind at specific times. It is this truth that gives me hope, and gives me purpose in my life - that God in His sovereignty has everything in His fingertips. My successes, my failures, my joys, my sorrows - all for the glory of Him who loves me and has given His life for me, that I may give my life for Him (Galatians 2:20).

Beauty in the struggle, ugliness in the success - and in the midst of both is a Savior who is sovereign, who is more than able to use all things to turn people back to Himself - to redeem, to restore, to set right and to renew life (Colossians 1:20).

It’s not to say that I’ve learned to avoid responsibility or consequences for my actions, no - but it is to know that while I can be faithful in making things right, that ultimately it’s not those things that define who I am. My identity as the child of God in Christ, is something that will never change, nor be taken away (Romans 8:38-39) - and that every act of faithfulness that I carry out, is another step towards following after Jesus’ footsteps & to make that identity more and more of a reality through the Savior that renews us daily. (doctrine of sanctification, if anyone wants to look that up). Every single birthday, ever since I’ve decided to follow the call to ministry, God’s been faithful about reminding me of the fact that I am not in a place of deserving... but rather a place of grace - that everything I call mine, the life that I live, it’s all because God has given me grace to make that happen. Reminds me every year to be thankful, to not dwell in my failures, nor to glory in my successes - to know that in every single moment of that year, God was with me, is with me, and will always be with me until I come back HOME (Philippians 1:6). But who knows, I’ve only been in the game for about 2 years, and still have a long way to go to learn & with a lot of changes to come. I just hope that every single year I could look back, remember where I’ve come from, and be able to hold it down in these truths in every situation. To be able to say:

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. [Phil 4:11-13]

Thank You Jesus, for everything, Because You are perfect in all of Your ways. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZMU1TvJwA0

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