times i should've realised that i'm transmasc
saw a post on here when i was 13 where someone said that the only girly toy they had as a kid was a stuffed animal and this bothered me, a massive webkinz fan, a lot for some reason
got a hairclip stuck in my hair so i had to cut it off and it felt weirdly good to cut my own hair off. and this is about to sound fake as fuck but deadass the exact words i thought were "i hope this doesn't awaken anything in me!"
in january or february of 2020 when i made a post on here that said something to the effect of "tbh i'm probably a guy but i have other shit going on." i did not have other shit going on. i was 15.5 years old
went to the mental hospital at age 14 and found that i had a lot in common with one of the other patients there, who was transmasc. became really good friends with him. he doesn't know he's directly responsible for cracking my egg
was twitter mutuals with almost exclusively transgender women in 2020
even in spaces where there were women like me (at the time) who played a lot of splatoon and used twitter a lot, there was always something about me that was slightly different. even when i naturally assumed we all wanted to be as far away from feminity as possible, even though it was forced upon all of us, they'd willingly wear dresses and put makeup on. i'd wear those and try so, so hard to feel like i didn't want to vomit all over the place and stayed up late wondering what made me different
i was "the only girl" at my high school's esports club
