When you move into a new place and can’t remember which light switch goes to what

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When you move into a new place and can’t remember which light switch goes to what
Potential client: yeah my 5 year old son [something something something]
Me: wow, that just throws me with people who’re younger than me. You seem younger than me.
Her: How old do you think I am?
Me: …. 26.
Her: Yeah!
Me: About to be 30.
Her: Whaaaaat
💀
Roaring 20s by P!ATD is a mood
Me driving on a 3 or more lane highway
When I say I am going to start cutting carbs
What people think I mean
What I actually mean
When your friends suggest doing things that cost money and you remind them you work in education
When I thought I’d grow up to be like Sabrina but instead I’m Salem
Scraping the cooked cheese off the plastic film over my Trader Joe’s microwave macaroni and eating it because I’m in my 20s and I don’t fear death