#20.3.2018

[cyber-vampyr]

Shut up

Startled by anger; shaking.

Eyes turn black

My heart burns

Stronger than it can handle

And I am left with a lump of ash.

What have you done?

What words have hurt,

My mouth now mends.

A restless night, bore chaos in the day.

Silence sets.

The heart beats again.

[prosy-days]

March 20, 2018 - Day 274

It somehow took 4 hours of nonsense at the store to get this new phone and a new plan, but finally success!

[godsnameisjoy]

20 March 2018

28 minutes at bedtime

Without God’s grace, meditation is a struggle at 30 minutes. For me, the deep subconscious seems to be kicking in much before I reach the finish line of 40 minutes. I have no idea how to deal with the forces in the deep. The force is strong. With the occasional grace, I deal with the subconscious tug elegantly.

Take the meditation session of 19 March 2018. How smoothly I went into meditation and completed the scheduled 40 minutes. The strength of purpose and meaning that gave to the technique, it was magical. It is obvious that I could not recreate the magic last night. At 28 minutes when I stopped last night, I had begun moving my head side to side gently. That was my last effort at not falling asleep.

Last night was a struggle. A struggle I have become familiar with, through the last few weeks. At night, before sleep, I am tired. I allow myself to feel tired. This is followed with meditation. With a sprinkling of calmness in the breath-mind frame, all I want is deep sleep. The promise of deep sleep is a strong temptation.

‘Hoping for God’s grace for the upcoming session. Hoping that, when the time comes, I will see that the journey towards divinity is more tempting than the best sleep my subconscious can offer.