#2014journal

[ajourneywithmeblog]

The beach..food..the unpredictable weather and the best thai massage ever...this was one of the best trip we had @mcki18 #travelwithme #phuket #krabi #aophangnga #thailand #2014journal #ajourneywithme #mytravels #traveltheworld

[healingexecutioner]

8.30.2014

So last night, I went to watch If I Stay with my friend Alyssa. The movie played with my emotions so much. I kept wanting to cry hysterically but I just kept it in as much as i could. I just really wish I knew how to feel the way she did. The feeling of loving someone so much. So purely and passionately.

[healingexecutioner]

7|8|2014

A few weeks ago, I saw a lot of people on facebook write about a girl called "Blab" (keeping the name private). I looked through her pictures and saw that she looked very lovely. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then I see people's posts on her wall.

"R.I.P"

I felt sad about it and wondered what could've happened.

Today, My mother asks me if I know a girl named "Bladdy Blah" and I say no. And then she continues to tell me that she used to be in a church group I was a in a few years ago. My mum says that she was apart of the church group and then when they found out she was a lesbian, they kicked her out. And, I assume, she was already a very depressed person so when this happened, it might have just made things worse. 

A few nights later, while she was taking care of her grandfather, She hung herself... 

I'm just so pissed off at that stupid church group, Arcoiris (if you were curious about that name. "Rainbow" in spanish.) for letting this happen. "We love Everyone and accept Everyone." Bullshit.

[healingexecutioner]

7|6|2014

My boyfriend of three years just broke up with me because he couldn't deal with me and my depression .... And I'm too numb to really feel anything about his decision ... But I really hope the numbness lasts because I don't want to feel the pain..

[healingexecutioner]

6|19|2014

Im 18 today, and it kind of embarrasses me to think that I never thought I'd make it to this birthday.

I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for so long, but I'm trying to let the positive energy that everyone brings today, give me strength.

[healingexecutioner]

6|13|2014

I had the loveliest dream about a boy I never met. And I woke up a tad depressed because I know that boys like him arent real. He had the type of confidence that made me fall in love, right on the spot. And I really hope I have my dreams about him.

[healingexecutioner]

5|31|2014

So i graduated yesterday night and now all i can think about is " what now? " What do i do? When do i do it? How do i do it? Nothing comes to mind when i think about the future, so i guess it can go anyway, which is very scary considering the fact that i was planning on killing myself right after graduation. And even with having my bestfriend by my side again, it just isn't the same. So i still feel alone. And i still feel terrified.

[healingexecutioner]

5|29|2014

Today we had a big party for my graduating class at this water park today and it was extremely fun. We went go kart racing and hung out at the pool and then we played in the arcade. I was able to hang out with both my friends and my boyfriend. Which was really nice. We had all-you-can-eat pizza and drinks and we just all were able to hang out and relax. Tomorrow is our graduation day and I think ill start crying the second I walk on the stage. Oh my gosh. I have a long day tomorrow. ..