I miss the city
D and H are going to NYC by the end of this month and it got me thinking about how special it is up there during the holidays. I gushed about all the things to smell and see and feel and it got me started on all this. It was The layers and layers we made sure to have The train ride over, barren gray speeding past the windows The hustle bustle through Grand Central The smell of roasting chestnuts on the street stands The impatient honking of the infinite traffic The knocking of horse hooves across the cobblestone The excitement within the crowds The air of awe in front of The Windows The love that twirled around us, mimicking those on the ice below The deep breath before the drop in temperature as the sun took its plunge It was Regaining feeling in our hands with every random shop stop Scarves, gloves, hats- puffy barriers between us Rosy cheeks and Running noses and Adoring gazes Giant black and white cookies A successful dine in, lucky to have a table A failed vodka shot Missing the ball drop, stuck in a taxi Meeting up with friends/family Blissed out
It was New Years And then it became something else as soon as the next day... It is Nearly two years later It is The lack of layers The familiarity now of an entirely different state Taking it day by day out of enjoyment and not solely to remain afloat Waking up with peace and wonder Having found another family Freedom to a degree I lose sight of easily Compliance with commitment I need not think twice about It is New faces Night drives Music, always Dancing, drinking, laughing, smoking Exploring: me, them, this, that Selfishness to a degree I never allowed before Getting too lost in these moments Losing and creating and now feigning my religion It is Palm trees and horrible drivers The option to always wear shorts A new kind of people who never will make sense to you It is one year having been here. It was hell. It is okay. It was scary. It is now a high. It wasn’t what I planned, wanted, expected It isn’t something I regret.