Green Lily Clover.
As you sit back and look out the window in a silent distant hotel room, unusual and peculiar thoughts pass the mind.
And the poet within, is speechless. Because this is not poetry. It’s the soul speaking a clear language of sincerity, and bittersweet, loving realization of once, being a fallen guardian. It is to know, that in the worst of times, you can’t honor yourself and say, "I was always there, I never abandoned you, I did my best”, Because you weren’t. You did, and you didn’t.
No apologies, no words, no logic can ever forgive you for such a disastrous past, and decisions. But if you remember that you never forgot, there’s a little light illuminating itself. Little by little.
The term "giving your arm for something”, it’s been a saying that is taken lightly, most of the time it’s metaphorical, isn’t it? But have you ever given your arm for something? For somebody? Literally given an arm for? If you knew they’d be happy, safe, with a smile on their face?
Yes. Surely. It is without a doubt. I would cut both of these limbs off.
To see a bright smile on such youthful familiar features, it awakens melancholic but beautiful emotions. Sensations of knowing your blood runs through their veins, and carrying a piece of your own, sincere smile.
It reminds you that, despite the bad times and choices you may have done as a young boy - despite the unfortunate childhood you individually, may have had. Something along those painful, but rewarding years, bloomed in your absence. Blossomed into a healthy, although not so little in present time, Tiger Lily.
Though you can’t forgive yourself for the absence you willingly chose, and though you can’t forgive yourself for so many years of what ifs, and an unstable mind. My arms will always be there to take, cut off, and break if needed. Ready to be sacrificed, limb by limb. Always.
You can shame yourself and live in the past. Or you can twist the spectrum of time, love harder in the present, and smile together.