Happy Fucking New Year
Honestly this year can go fuck itself. All I want of next year is for things to look up, not be living a daily fucking hell with a new devastating situation or financial bullshit from everything and everyone. Dont get me wrong, I know at what points I screwed up (I’m still 19 remember?) and where everything in my life was working against me, with my amazing luck it was mainly the latter. This year has plunged me into new depths of hell and saddness. I’m losing my mind I can’t handle it anymore and that is not like me at all, I grew up and dealt with my problems a long time ago. (but that is quite literally how fucking bad things have been.)
there is one saving grace, my fucking rock and calm in the storm. His name is Matt, and unlike any of the shitty guys or relationships I’ve had, he is amazing and perfect. All he does is care about me and do everything he can to make me happy. We’ve been dating\living together for 7 months and that doesnt seem like a lot to to me it’s been forever and I never have a moment with Matt that I regret. (Even enjoyed the time we spent in the hospital after I almost broke my hand). he is the only reason I’ve made it this far and I know that, he will always do something to help, whether it’s dealing with talking to the landlord because I cant she doesn’t understand me when I say “Yes I am trying to cooperate” (to her it means “i’m an idiot cut me off belittle me and make me feel redundant”) or on the way home him pulling into mcdonalds and buying me an icecream cone because I was sad about my cunt of a friend lying to her kids about why i hadn’t seen them in a while. Matt is one of the only stable pillars in my life, and because I’m so unstable right now it is a huge worry that I’ll end up pushing him away or hurting him. the biggest thing making me unstable is the fact that I haven't caught a break in NINE FUCKING MONTHS, and things kept getting worse, so the constant onslaught is just driving my insane.
so as a request for the new year, please just let me catch a break once in a while.