Jan 14, 2019
<p>100 day art challenge<br /> Day 6 request/color palette<br /> For Fox Bakudan on Gaia Online, her OC Conrad. It started as a color palette challenge but I really liked the character and wanted to do his real colors.
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<p>100 day art challenge<br /> Day 6 request/color palette<br /> For Fox Bakudan on Gaia Online, her OC Conrad. It started as a color palette challenge but I really liked the character and wanted to do his real colors.
I just love how this year is starting. I’ve reconnected with some friends who genuinely are good for me- they inspire and motivate myself to do better. They encourage me to take more risks and push myself.
I already feel so much better about myself and where I am in this life. Ive been working out at the gym again and it’s been crazy. Today alone we did 3 hours straight of just pure weightlifting and I’m really proud of myself. I already notice a difference in my legs and abs. My arms are noticeably stronger but I really want to work on all the excess food babies so more tricep workouts will be my best friend.
I’ve always been self conscious and I’m just so ready to be proud of my body completely? For those of you that have been following me throughout all these years, you should know that I’ve been at war with my body in the past. I would starve myself and force myself to purge to look attractive, I would cut myself apart at the seams to try to feel something again because I got so sick of feeling nothing or too much at once, I would swallow bottle of pills at once hoping it was my last day alive and I would try to die at every chance I had- if I didn’t have the opportunity I’d think of all the ways I could die with a smile on my face. Throughout these last three or four years of recovery I’ve learned to appreciate my body for keeping me alive when I didn’t even want to be. I appreciate my body for carrying me through those days when I didn’t give it anything it needed. I appreciate and love my body for its tenacity and determination to keep me here. I’d like to think there’s a reason for that. Maybe I’m still needed here in the grand scheme of things? Who knows.
What I do know is that I’m proud of myself for acknowledging all the things my body has done for me, and for finally giving back to my body for all that it’s done for me.