#2021.08.28

[rrxindrops]

The shape of the stone reminded me of the human heart.

It reminded me of this hadith:

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a slave commits a sin, a black spot appears on his heart. But if he give it up, seeks forgiveness and repents, his heart will be cleansed, but if he repeats it, (the blackness) will increase until it overwhelms his heart. This is the raan which Allaah mentions: ‘Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and evil deeds) which they used to earn’ [al-Mutaffifeen 83:14 – interpretation of the meaning].”

Ya Allah guide us all on the straight path. Protect us from sins and evil temptations. Protect us from misguidance, ameen.

[dsaqweddertgfddfgvcxddxzasd]

now, i feel tired like sad, probaly i will sleep with this many confusion, i thinked about she as final-think and smile, i only known smile among many feel of people in textbook, so i like smile

today, i learned which and anything same like second, or same count, i can't recall it from my head,

[ten-of-imps]

I had no dreams of my own, so I took someone else's advice, long held dream, I looked at other's lives and thought it will work, it has to work. It didn't. It's tearing me apart. It is a constant reminder that my life is not my own. When I got a dream of my own, it was too late. I'm crushed, I'm angry all the time, I'm sad, I want to disappear. And sure, it's just feelings, I will survive just like I always did. In the end it stops looking so bad. But I don't know how to get up, if it will ever work, is it too late for me.

I am grateful for what I have, and I do have a lot. Why can't it be enough, why couldn't it just stop. Why can't I just stop and live like a normal person.

I thought moving somewhere was better than not, this was better than nothing. I was wrong.