So! I wrote a little Tom Hanson/Doug Penhall fic for your (and my own) entertainment! Read and enjoy if you’re a brave soul! :3
Based on my favorite scene from 21 Jump Street episode 3.7, "The Dragon and the Angel" (yes, THAT scene if you know what I’m talking about)
"I'm sorry", Doug sighs. "I mean, I can't believe I blew a hole in your ass!"
"Forget it! It was a mistake", Tom snaps, wishing Doug a happy little trip to hell.
"Hey, Tom...", the sighing continues. "If I could kiss it and make it feel better... You know. I would. You gotta believe me", says Doug and smiles so sweetly like he isn't the biggest asshole in the world.
It's one of those times where Tom doesn't get Doug at all. It's infuriating.
"Believe you? Believe what, that you're a fucking clown?", he wants to say.
"Stop acting like you're Mother Theresa, I don't want your help!", he wants to say.
"Fuck you, Penhall!", he wants to say and throw at Doug those fucking sharpened pencils. Maybe they would gouge his eyes.
("Do you really mean it?", he wants to ask.)
("Then do it", he wants to-)
"But I'm really sorry!", Doug goes on and on and on. "If I could do anything for you-"
Tom flashes him one of his best fake smiles.
"Thanks. I'll let you know".
Maybe now he finally will be left alone.
No, Doug takes it as a call to action. It's really starting to get on Tom's nerves. He watches the clock ticking and wonders how soon he's gonna lose it.
"Something, anything! I could bring you coffee! Falafel? Peanut butter?"
No, he doesn't want anything, especially peanut butter.
"How was that chili I made you yesterday?"
Fine. It was fine. The chili was fine.
"Look, I cleaned up your desk!"
Thanks, no one asked you to.
"I asked them to move our desks closer so you wouldn't strain your voice calling for me!"
What the?... Well this is just weird.
"Do you want a compliment or something, pal?", Tom wants to lash out at Doug. "What if I bit you on your buttcheek and made it feel worse?"
He stays quiet though - after all, it's what he does best. Doug is such a pain in the ass sometimes. Literally.
Goddammit, it still hurts.
And then Doug gives Tom that stupid fucking doughnut pillow. "What a wonderful and thoughtful present", Tom thinks, mercilessly throwing the pillow somewhere deep into his closet.
He doesn't tell anyone he tried to sit on that pillow.
He doesn't tell anyone how comfortable it felt.
He doesn't think about it.
"Hey Penhall", he says some time after when they're drinking at Doug's. "Did you really mean it?"
"Mean what?", asks Doug, chewing on a piece of pizza.
"Uhm. You know. Kiss it."
"It? I don't... What do you mean by that?"
"Wow Hanson, tell me what you really think!"
"No”, Tom rolls his eyes. "When you shot me. In the ass. Did you really mean it?... You know. Kiss it and make it feel better."
Doug grins like a Cheshire cat.
"Aww Tommy, so you did think about it! Here you go", he says and kisses him on the cheek.
Tom makes a face and pretends to wipe the kiss off like dirt. What he doesn't tell Doug is that deep down he really, really... Well, he would really like to be kissed on that other particular cheek too.
