#25.4.19

[devonjwerkheiser]

devonwerkharder “more kindness please ••• shot by the angel @kellybalch in Sydney Australia.

#throwbackthursday #tbt #akubra“

[devonjwerkheiser]

devonwerkharder “oh burningman. how I miss you. still won’t make it back this year I don’t think. but I’ll love you forever. 

#throwback #burningman #tbt #thursday #throwbackthursday #brc 

#blackrockcity”

devonwerkharder “I can’t believe this was 7 years ago”

[devonjwerkheiser]

[devonjwerkheiser]

[devonjwerkheiser]

[devonjwerkheiser]

[godsnameisjoy]

Winnings !

Date : 25 April 2019

Duration : 30 minutes at bedtime.

Depth :

Last night’s meditation session isn’t about the depths of my mind. Nah ! I didn’t further my spiritual journey during yesterday’s session. The achievement is about all the physical aspects of my sessions.

I could see (just before meditating) that if I tried to nap for a bit and meditated later, I’d not meditate at all. That tempting nap would turn into a whole night’s dream filled sleep. If I didn’t nap right away, I was sure to wait through the frustrating sounds of unusual activities. Last night was like that. The shared room would be shared in an unusual manner. These two things ,ie my sleep situation and the room’s activities, were inevitable.

Acceptance of inconvenient facts is a sure way to come up with creative solutions. Last night I meditated for 30 minutes along with a recorded piece of meditation music 🎧 on Insight Timer. It was no ordinary music. This was a 30 minute recording of large waves lashing by the sea shore. Of course, with my sleepy eyes shut for meditation at night, I visualised those lashes as if they were under the moonlight.

Conversations, people walking in and out, devices pinging, pulling of sheets and bodies tossing and turning — nothing disturbed me. None of it came in my way ! To have drowned the ambient sounds by replacing them with the sound of waves 🌊, is by far the smartest way I have meditated. Like ever. Again, my fear for years, was that I would end up listening to the recording rather than listen to my own mental voice that chants.

What a pleasant surprise it is to know that when there are waves 🌊 or other non verbal sounds repeating themselves, one tends to focus better on the noise within. And if you have a meditation technique in place, then the noise within gets taken care of. Considering the disturbances that were around me, I moved rather swiftly from the conscious to the shallow subconscious and then to the deep subconscious.

‘Never thought that I’d be able to suspend the breathing activity in the utter calmness of meditation. It’s one thing to read of such meditation milestones. It’s completely different from imagination when one experiences such things. And to think that I actually entered a suspended breath last night despite so much around me. So much that could easily have drawn me away from meditation. That’s cool. Not moving forward yet, but I am not backing off either.

https://insig.ht/Dv9rQjF7bW

[imkeepingtrack]

All I can smell is the pizza

It's cold so I don't know why the smell is spreading so much. It smells so good but I can't make myself eat. I just have 0 motivation. Like, what's the point? I want to want to eat, but it's just not happening. I'm still really angry with D and B.

Also it's 4:15am and I haven't slept yet. The 3 hour sleep this afternoon was a bad idea. But I was feeling so shitty and didn't know what else to do with myself. Except now I'm feeling shitty now instead. And I'll probably get woken up in the morning, even though I can't go to maths because they keep messing it around.

I keep trying to work out where else I'd go if they say I can't stay here. What am I meant to do? I can't go home. They can't say things like that to me and expect me to be ok. It's messing with my head so much.