#26.10.

[lavenderlyncis]

I should've asked you questions

I should've asked you how to be

Asked you to write it down for me

Should've kept every grocery store receipt

'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Watched as you signed your name Marjorie

All your closets of backlogged dreams

And how you left them all to me

[lavenderlyncis]

Chris,

It's been two years without you. Two whole years that I spent knowing I would never hear your voice again. I can't believe that so much time has passed.

I still remember when you told me about your diagnosis. You were so optimistic. For the first time in years, you didn't want to die, and you were so sure you wouldn't. I was too. Yet here we are.

You know, there is this side in me that feels bad for mourning you. We never met. I only saw your face once. I have no right to still feel the effect of your absence years later, but I do. Every day. There is this part of me that I can't seem to find, no matter how hard I try. It is buried with you, surely.

I don't know how to phrase my gratefulness. I can't put it into words. Without you, I wouldn't be here today. Without you, I would have been lond dead. At least, we'd be together then. You would hate that I just said that, I'm sorry.

I want you to know that I'm doing well for myself. I live in a student dorm, away from my parents. And I'm happy here. I even made it to university, like you said I would. I was so worried about that back then, but you always knew I could make it. I have good friends that treat me well. Even if I don't know where I belong yet, I am confident I will find it out. I didn't do too bad for myself.

Some days are still hard for me, of course. In those times, I wish nothing more than to call you and listen to you playing the piano. It always used to calm me down. I miss it. I miss you.

There is no way to put into words how many people you saved. You left a community behind, did you know that? Hundreds of thousands of people that seek comfort with each other. You created that. It will always remain here. So many people are only alive today because of you, including me.

I took some inspiration from you. My friends and I created a support group for people like us, people with our addiction. I think giving people the support that you once gave them makes me feel closer to you. I think you would have wanted me to do good in the world, just as you always did.

The world was a lot more colourful with you. I wish I could talk to you again. There's nothing I yearn for more. I feel so lost since you are gone. But even now, you still find a way to guide me. I remembered recently a piece of advice you once gave me when I was worried about my eating habits. It helps a lot. You helped a lot. Your endless compassion and wisdom were one of a kind.

Wheneve I visit a church, I light a candle for you. It's a habit now. It has no religious meaning, but it makes me feel better. I hope you can see those candles, wherever you are. You would like them a lot, I'm sure of it.

I hope you can be proud of me. I try my best to carry on what you started.

I miss you so much.

[lavenderlyncis]

And if I didn't know better

I'd think you were talking to me now

If I didn't know better

I'd think you were still around

What died didn't stay dead

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, you're alive in my head

[drawing-every-day-2023]

Prompt twenty six: Remove

I wanted to draw Skyrim again.

[lavenderlyncis]

Her favorite photo of her mom

The caption says, "I can't believe it

It's been a decade since you've been gone

Mama, I miss you, I miss sitting with you in the front yard

Still figuring out how to keep living without ya

It's got a little better but it's still hard

Mama, I got a job I love and my own apartment

Mama, I got a boyfriend and I'm crazy about him

Your little girl didn't do too bad

Mama, I love you, give a hug and kiss to dad"

[lavenderlyncis]

hey, ive seen that you arent doing too well i think, so im hoping it passes soon, or even lessens for a bit then, <333

Thank you <3

I'm usually not this affected by the grief, but the anniversary of the death of a loved one just brings out the worst in me. I'm sure it'll be better tomorrow <3

[lavenderlyncis]

I can't even stand at your grave. I can't even grief in peace. I don't even know where you are buried. I wasn't there when it happened. I will never be there.

[eiskaltdurchalldieluegen]

Heute vor einem Jahr haben wir uns das erste mal so richtig getroffen. Da fing alles an. Du hast mein Kopf verdreht. Ich habe noch nie jemanden so geliebt wie dich. Warum ist alles so schwer ?