One of these days....
I was able to ref at the Winter Wipeout tournament put on by Wellington Roller Derby in Mt. Forest, Ontario. I had a blast at that tournament. I jam reffed 5 games and OPR’d 1 game. I learned so much. Both ref crews were amazing and there was feedback at every turn. To add to the games that I reffed, I NSO’d for 4 games as well. I was a wee bit busy, but that was the best part of it.
I definitely look forward to reffing more tournaments in the future because it was a ton of fun.
I’ve had a couple people who read the blog tell me that I make derby seem easy because of how quickly I picked it up. Derby is hard. I seemingly breezed through all of the skills for assessment except for the laps at the end of January. That day I hit 26.75 laps. I figured it was only a matter of time and I’d have them. Every official attempt since then has seen me at 26 or I fall before I can finish. It is absolutely in my head and I know. Those who watch me skating my laps can see it. If I make one mistake they can see my frustration peak and it throws me out of whack. Every time I fail my laps, the mountain inside me grows. I need to get over this mental hump. Physically, I can do this. In practice when we do the cadence drill, I can hit 27. In practice I have hit 27. When I skate on my own I can hit 27. When I assess…..well that seems to be another story.
This past weekend I had my second official attempt at laps since last assessments. I felt like it was going well. I fixed a couple of the issues that had plagued me with my stride in the previous week and I had people there cheering me on. I appreciate the support. And it means a lot to me. At about lap 24/25 I lost my balance and fell. It felt like I pulled something in my side but I skated it off. Pride was hurt. Frustration boiled over and I had myself a derby meltdown in the corner while the next groups skated their laps. Luckily SWGMID was there to help me pick up the pieces. Derby broke me on Sunday. I’ve never felt more defeated. I won’t lie….I wanted to hang my skates up and not go back.
I had one primary goal and another secondary goal if the primary goal wasn’t met. Primary goal was to get my 27/5. Secondary goal was to at least finish on my feet without falling. I’ve tried just about everything to get laps out of my head. I’ve been told as soon as I get my 27/5, I get placed in the leagues regular ref pool which ads a bit of pressure. Which is my goal. It is there, but I can’t seem to get across the finish line and the longer I take, the more my frustration grows and that is making it worse on me. I need to learn how to forget about all of that stuff for 5 minutes.
The one thing I can say that has changed since I hit 26.75 laps is that I am in worse physical shape since that attempt due to not watching my diet. If I am going to make this goal, I need to watch what I eat and exercise more. Lunch break at work has now turned into gym time and I eat at my desk after I work out.
I am going to make my goal of 27/5. I just don’t think I am going to get it fast enough to accomplish my goal of reffing on my home track again (outside of the Queens Court game May 1) before the end of the season.
I am not giving up. Not hitting my goal just means I have to work harder and I need to remember that. The most important time for me to remember that is the next time I try my 27/5.