The Story of ...
dexter
3/5
today dexter told me his weed smuggling tricks. apparently he always just put his weed into the pockets of his clothes, especially the fifth pocket on jeans, and put his clothes in his suitcase, betting that the airport security was so bored with their jobs too that they just lift the clothes up and look between them
he read redwall when he was in jail for shoplifting
the airport people tried to get him to turn his pussy riot shirt inside out, and he was like, do you even know the ramifications that go with this shirt? There will be the biggest lawsuit that comes out of this.
the first time he did acid, this girl gave him a sheet and he ate the whole thing. She was like, what the fuck did you just do?! and then tore up the other sheet and gave him half. So he was tripping on 150 tabs of acid. They decided to drive to California (from New York) and took off. While going thru the mountains, he was driving down this hill, and down, and down, and down, and just when he thought it would never end this sign appeared that said "you are now at the highest point in the appalachians” and he was at the top of a mountain. Plus also there were pink snails, with little arms, holding arrows, not bows, just arrows, dancing in the sky.
Then there was a time that he went back to his hometown and half the town was at his friends house, the friend who's dad fell off a ladder at work when they were kids, and was always sleeping on the couch bc he was on so many meds, to the point where their code for getting into clubhouses and stuff was "jim is sleeping on the couch". this was the one time in history jim had gone to bed, and it freaked Dexter the fuck out. then he kept trying to have sex with the town slut, but she wouldn't do it. "Jim was dead, the town whore won't sleep with me, and my shirts the same color as the wall and its sucking me in!"
he walked into a hardware store and set a regular hammer and a rubber mallet on the counter and asked the people which would work better to smash someones face in, and they went through the whole physics of it and decided the rubber mallet would be better (which sounds retarded to me, but who am i to judge) and he's like thanks, picks up the mallet and walks out without paying. Surprisingly, no one stopped him.
He lived in an abandoned church with like 8 other people. they had a one story bong that they built up the middle of a staircase or something, and it took 3 people to smoke it. Then there was this stupid guy who came and was like, burning pews and stuff, and burnt the whole place down. so he walked up behind the dude and was like, hey, and nailed him in the face with a rubber mallet when he turned around.
