Discover Top Posts Tagged with #3.31.18

S was gunna spend the night, but my parents changed their mind or some shit.

That made me mad, and I don't handle anger well. I just sorta turned it inward. I had a strong urge to self harm. I faught it for a while, but then I didn't think I could, so I called S as a distraction for a bit. I fought with it for a while, but I ended up giving into my urge to self harm. Physically, I'm fine. It's not deep.

S was gunna come over for a bit. We were gunna go out for dinner, so that I didn't have to be around my family. Whatever. I hadn't told him yet that I gave into the urge.

Then like 15min after he said he was on his way, he asked me if I was gunna be mopey cos if so he was gunna turn around and go home. Which was???? wtf??? so I was like well um yeah I'm upset. And stuff was said. He said he normally could deal with my problems on top of his own, but today he was too frustrated with other stuff.

I am so overwhelmed with emotions right now, and I feel helpless. I'm mad at my parents, and I'm frustrated S isn't coming over. I'm hurt. I'm full of shame. And idk what to do with all of this. it's just so much. it's too much. I can't deal. and I def have urges to hurt myself more.

#personal #3.31.18

#3.31.18 #aesthetic #midwestgothic #photography #food #cinnamon roll #pastry

3.31.18

I cooked a giant thing of Pancit (Filipino noodles) on my own for the first time. It turned out pretty good and my family seemed to enjoy it. But I slapped myself on the forehead when I realized I didn’t cut the green beans the right way.

During the night things kinda caught up to me but I handled it. And I got to talk to a really good friend, which was a great way to both distract myself and end a shitty day on good note.

#one day at a time #3.31.18

absolutely irritate me. but you’re still mine. i hope you remember everything sober, including the moment you picked me up on the wooden block and DROPPED me on the concrete while you fell onto the grass. you shit. this ain’t no macho moment 🙄

#3.31.18

"fuck u, begger"

get out while u can and how- ever you can and let them be mad. pop a xan and get in bed, any bed, the sixth different bed this week. sleep. pretend you are comfortable until you are, until the xan kicks in and you’re out. sleep until it’s too bright to keep your eyes closed, open the door and find a spot to lay down in the sun until you’re sunburnt or until it’s time to go home. go home, climb into your own bed just to remember what it’s like. breathe and keep breathing and don’t stop until your heart does. get up.

#me #3.31.18