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what did you tell gerard?? im sure you didnt fail! xo
i told him that his music meant the world to me, and that it saved my life. and that knowing it was there for me was what keeps me alive.
even though i did my best, i now feel i failed to tell gee what he and his music means to me
excuse me while i listen to the kids from yesterday and ball my eyes out,
30.01.12
The Wife told me her cousin's dog is very nice. I was afraid that the dog might bring them apart because the Wife doesn't like dogs. Work is a bit tough at the moment. I hope it's just one of those down phases again.
ok i know i missed out yesterday but one day when it's a gr8 day i'll do 20
frubes are good
having one lesson
although people SUCK i wrote a poem that i'm proud of and i took ages writing and idk i like the use of words and shit
i am in a skins mood and i have naomily feels and i'm watching skins
i am definitely wearing my bow tie tomorrow (yes even at the docs)
i got a new toothbrush. like, i loved my old one (it was a panda and it was green) but like, i needed a new one. still, mum got the 'least child-like one... sigh
i remembered to wear my ring
i found some cute bow ties today and shirts and i'm going to buy braces and have new stuff for sixth form :3
my letter from manchester came with the interview info on it (minus a map sigh they were meant to include one, oh well i'll just ask jennie)
i'm thinking fuck people who treat me like shit???????
_|_
THIS EDUCATION SYSTEM IS FUCKING SCREWED. YOU CAN'T FUCKING TELL A STUDENT THAT THEY ARE ELIGIBLE FOR SO MANY DAMN COURSES AND WHEN WE OPT FOR THEM, WE DON'T FREAKING GET POSTED TO THE COURSE BUT INSTEAD GET POSTED TO SOME SCHOOL THAT WE NEVER EVEN CONSIDERED, LET ALONE OPT FOR. AND WHEN WE WANT TO APPEAL, YOU WON'T LET US SELECT A COURSE BECAUSE SUDDENLY WE AREN'T FUCKING ELIGIBLE FOR THEM. DO YOU KNOW HOW SCREWED THIS WILL MAKE EVERYONE FEEL? LIKE SUDDENLY HAVING TO TAKE A COURSE THAT WE HAVE ZERO INTEREST IN AND NEVER ACTUALLY WANTED TO TAKE? HAVING TO REPLAN EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE WE SUDDENLY AREN'T ELIGIBLE FOR THE COURSE. IT'S LIKE WE'RE BASICALLY BEING FORCED INTO SOME BLOODY COURSE AND SCHOOL THAT NOBODY WANTS TO TAKE. YOU'RE BASICALLY GOING 'OH HEY, THEY DIDN'T DO WELL AND NOBODY WANTS THIS COURSE AT THIS SCHOOL SO LET'S JUST CHUCK THEM THERE. PROBLEM SOLVED' HELLO. YOU DON'T FRIGGIN PUT STUDENTS IN SCHOOLS THAT WEREN'T EVER ON THEIR LIST OF CHOICES. IT IS SO BLOODY WRONG.
Seriously, I'm majorly pissed off. I think I screwed my life up so badly. I know you say that when I look back next time, getting posted to a school that I didn't pick is going to look like a small issue but honestly, what I care about is now. I feel so bloody fucked.
Why does everything bad happen to me? It's like no matter how hard I work or try, I never get what I want. There's always that someone who's better, more hardworking, smarter, whatever. I think I've been through a lot already, maybe I've gone through too much.. I wouldn't know. I just want some good in my life instead of the constant bullshit. Sometimes, I just wish I would overdose again and maybe, just maybe, I won't wake up this time. I can't actually cut myself anymore because of all the scars and every time I want to cut, I think about that promise I made you. But hey, didn't we both break that promise already?
Sighh. I don't know what to do. I would say let's hope for the best but the best is never actually anything good.
[GIF] KPOP's "Quick Change" Artists - f(x)
cr: rightful owner | -Vo
