Sep 25, 2017
3:57pm
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3:57pm
Loaded the dishwasher
The only other thing I need is my other hobbies, more money, and to finish college.
Me, spotting the “Gender, Sex, and Sexuality” section of my anthropology textbook: 👀👀👀
🖤🖤🖤🖤So lately I'm trying not to let things bother me too much. I have a lot of time to just keep thinking about stuff. I could really get into the bad thoughts. But I do however want to vent about something. You'd think during a stay at home order, a time where almost everyone has more time on their hands, would be a time where maybe you would make more time for your friends. Lol. Well not the case. Surprise surprise I'm not the shitty friend lately. All my close friends, I guess, suck at getting back to me. I'm not being uptight. I'm talking days and weeks here of not talking. One friend I haven't talked to in 21 days. Like really talked. Another one, 17 days. My other friend gets back to me, about every 2-4 days and only four cause I'm the one who had to reach out. Okay. Well that doesn't make me feel so good. I kinda don't care about the reason, you either make time for someone or you don't. You either care or you don't. It's nice to know how forgettable I am to everyone. Like I'm not always feeling great, but I've been replying cuz that's what a good friend does. All I want is someone to miss me or care for me. I'm not asking for attention all day or everyday but out of 24 hours, you're telling me you can't put a minute aside to say hello. Idk I am growing tired of being everyone's last choice. The one everyone just puts aside. I think I deserve better than that. But well I guess it doesn't matter what I want. Now I'm getting used to hearing from nobody. And then my unhealthy habits begin. Where I want to be left alone. Where I don't want to talk to anyone. I'm just fine on my own. But I just think it's really unfair. I've been trying to get my life together and be a better friend. And this is how I get repaid. I know I've made mistakes too. But I'm changing all that. I'm holding myself to higher standards. Now I can handle being alone. But I do get lonely. I'm only human. But my whole life I've been alone. So yea, I'm used to it. I'm used to being ignored, or whatever. But I'm sick of it. I'm a person with feelings. Now all I want to do is pull away from everyone. I'm tired of you guys. I know you're not trying to be shitty friends, you just kinda are.🖤🖤🖤🖤
Something went down and I took my phone to text my girlfriend, then I put it back down and I remembered we broke up a week ago and I teared up.
How great.
Baby, please don’t push me away..
Baby,
Please don’t push me away
because I care about you so much.
I really like you
& I want you to be happy
Your happiness is more important than my own
& most importantly, I want to be the one who puts that perfect smile on your face.
I want you to feel comfortable with me
And I want to make you laugh
I want you to feel safe to confide in me
Open yourself up to me, I know it’s not easy.
I want to be the one you come to with great news & sad news.
I want to witness you succeed and be there for you during your struggles.
Please don’t push me away
because
baby,
I want to be here for you in every and any way
because I think I’m falling for you
so baby,
please don’t push me away
I’m in this with you for the long haul.