365 Days Later....
March 1, 2020 marks one full year since I started teaching the “Wonder Woman Program” at the Rosendo Diaz Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Academy in Harleysville, PA. What started out as one day a week slowly evolved into two (and despite the group size being small, the passion and commitment are larger than life). This female program is something I could have only dreamt of 10 or 15 years ago…
Up until about four years ago, I wasn’t really training with any females. My entire jiu-jitsu career, it was just me and the guys; But in hindsight, being the only female wasn’t healthy, mentally or physically. It didn’t allow me to see what I was missing. It almost created a sense of entitlement within me that was for no other reason than the fact that I have a vagina. So, once we started having females trickle in, it was initially thought provoking, but in all honesty, very unsettling. So many thoughts would run through my head. Where would my place be? Would I even be relevant anymore? Basically, I thought of myself as a lioness who wasn’t ready to share her pride. It wasn’t an easy transition for me. Many weeks I wouldn’t show up just because I was feeling sorry for myself. Why? I don’t know…because that’s what some of us crazy, weaker females do…act irrational.
It wasn’t until I took some time off and eventually put it all out on the table with my instructor (in a tearful conversation spilling my guts) that he replied to me “Just stop. Just come back and train, you need it. We are old heads now. You have to share your knowledge and pass it along. You are on a different part of your journey now.” And so that’s what I did. After forcing myself into having a new outlook, I decided it was time. I realized that it “wasn’t my time anymore” and that times have changed, the school has changed, and I needed to change (damn it).
After a few years of just training with a couple of women, Rosendo brought up the idea of the all-female class. I wasn’t sure if this was something that I could do or even wanted to do, but I reluctantly agreed. What became apparent to me sooner than later was that I could learn just as much from these women as they could from me. I’ve never considered myself a “girl’s girl” and these females coming to train weren’t either. These women also seem to walk to the beat of their own drum and not follow the “norms” of everyday society. They aren’t afraid to get dirty and they aren’t afraid to smash my face in.
The entire experience has made me love and appreciate my gender. After a lifetime of avoiding females, serious friendships, and “not having a tribe”, I now have a better understanding of what I was missing. My jiu-jitsu team is my family and my girls are my tribe. My biggest thank-you goes to my girl Lauren Baker, our team/school manager. She was the lioness who came in 4 years ago and took over the pride…and she did it with ease. She is a beautiful person inside and out.
We might not all be “friends” hanging together outside of jiu-jitsu, but because of jiu-jitsu we will have a bond forever.