I've come to figure out why I'm so lonely.
I unintentionally ruin everything. Every situation I get into I always do something to fuck it up.
Or I don't do anything and miss my chance.
For once, I want to feel confident.
For once, I want to feel wanted and not be the one crying alone in my bedroom listening to blink-182 because it's relevant to how fucking lonely I am.
For once, I want to be put above someone else.
For once, I want to be treated like people care about me and that I make a difference.
I feel like I could just disappear and people wouldn't even notice. I don't make a contribution to anything. I hold people back and frustrate them. I make things difficult.
I want more reasons to want to stay here. I want more things to be able to put my faith in and hold onto.
I don't want to be the one that deeply cares about people just to get nothing back.