Yes, I Do
Nyar was silent as Jace spoke. He listened as ey explained eir past to him, one piece at a time. He’d known as soon as he walked into the apartment. As soon as he saw em standing, the posture unmistakable, the calculation in eir gaze...and he’d felt his heart sink. Ey were Regiment. Ey were here for him, for his crew. He wondered how long Jace had been...toying with him. If ey’d enjoyed watching him fall in love with em. He felt his body tense, waiting for the fight as ey took him in, took him back, took his crew back...
And then ey kept talking. Ey told him about eir crew. About how ey’d been taken...ey were so young...and eir discharge...how ey’d joined the Renegades to atone. His heart lifted again as he realized that ey weren’t going to take him back after all. That he’d jumped to conclusions.
Jace tore eir eyes away from his, the tears barely held back. “I’ve never told anyone… Not even Castor or Tyde. Swore I never would. But you deserve honesty…. from me most of all. You said you love me… You deserve to know that what you love is a carefully constructed lie. We were never supposed to go this far...and while I’m deeply regretful of every lie I’ve ever spun...every hurt I’ve caused you in the world, that is not something I will ever regret. Us. Even if it’s to end now.”
Nyar was silent for several moments, his mind reeling. Jace was crying, silently, hands gripping the back of the couch. Nyar took a step forward, hesitantly, afraid that ey would back away from him. He took eir wrist in his hand, turning it over and running his thumb over the six stripes there. He looked back up at Jace now, leaning down to kiss em. He pulled em around the couch, motioning for em to sit down next to him. Once they were both sitting, he took both eir hands in his and licked his lips, laughing a little as he tried to decide where to start.
“You...You said at least I deserted. That there was some honor in that. I didn’t want to leave, Jace. I would have stayed in the Regiment until the day I died. If it weren’t for my crew.” He shook his head a little, “But that’s--that’s not important right now. What is important is that this,” he squeezed Jace’s hands a little, “Us? This isn’t going to end. Not over this. I mean look at how far we’ve come. I have grown so much since I met you. And you’ve been here through it all, even though most people would have turned and ran, you’ve put up with so much.” He laughed. “And I’m not in love with a lie. I’m in love with you.”
Jace shook eir head and started to speak, but Nyar leaned forward, stopping the words with a kiss.
“I mean it. I love you. I’m in love with you, with all of you. With you now, with who you’ve become, with who you are...Jace, it’s going to take a lot more than just a past in the Regiment to get rid of me.”
Jace laughed a little and eir arms wrapped around his neck. Nyar wrapped his arms around Jace, running his fingers through eir hair as ey cried, face buried in his neck. He held em for a long time, before he pulled em so that the two of them were lying on the couch, Jace lying on Nyar’s chest. His fingers traced up and down eir spine, and he pressed a kiss to eir temple. He wanted to ask em about the brand, wanted to trace his fingers over it and kiss away the pain that he knew must still haunt em; if it was anything like his own. But he kept his hand in the middle of eir back. Ey would show him the scar when ey were ready. He sighed a little, wondering if he would ever be ready to show em his own scars. After another ten minuets, Jace shifted, propping emselves up so that they could look at Nyar. Ey leaned forward, kissing him gently.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Do you mean it?”
Nyar frowned a little as Jace’s hand rested on his chest. “Mean what?”
“That you love me?”
Nyar smiled, his hand reaching up and taking Jace’s. “Of course I do.” He kissed em and smiled, “I love you very much. You’re my best friend, and my lover, and I would move mountains for you.”
Jace laid back down, resting eir head on his chest. “That’s the sappiest, cheesiest shit I’ve ever heard. But I love you too, you dumb idiot.”
Nyar laughed a little, rolling his eyes.
Nyar’s fingers ran up and down Jace’s forearm for a while before he wrapped his fingers around eir hand, twisting it so that he could see the six marks there. He traced each one gently with his thumb. He swallowed hard, biting his lip a little.
“Tell me about them?” He finally asked, his voice just above a whisper. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But I’d like--I’d like to know your crew.”
Jace bit eir lip, looking at eir wrist as well. Ey sighed a little, blinking away a few more tears. “They were my family. I loved them, more than anything.” Ey finally said.