#greybane

[childrenoflight-darkness-nothing]

au where

[pen-of-roses]

Greybane

All I have left are these memories in my head,

every single word you said,

I thought it was us until the end

and every moment together we’d spend

.

[if only you knew

with every breath I can’t forget,

the world was amazing when we met,

but still it’s what I had to do]

.

Can you tell me why

Was everything just a lie?

just some passing fling

or a meaningless thing?

.

[now I’m empty inside

without you I’m lost

because of a line that I crossed

still feel everything I denied]

.

was I too broken

were too many things unspoken

what’s left to be done

why can’t I just run

.

[it’s better this way,

I’ll just hold you back,

there’s too much I lack,

but what I’d give to stay]

@childrenoflight-darkness-nothing @scribbles-to-feed-the-void

Here was this angst based poem again!

[mrs-mikko-rantanen]

Yes, I Do

Nyar was silent as Jace spoke. He listened as ey explained eir past to him, one piece at a time. He’d known as soon as he walked into the apartment. As soon as he saw em standing, the posture unmistakable, the calculation in eir gaze...and he’d felt his heart sink. Ey were Regiment. Ey were here for him, for his crew. He wondered how long Jace had been...toying with him. If ey’d enjoyed watching him fall in love with em. He felt his body tense, waiting for the fight as ey took him in, took him back, took his crew back...

And then ey kept talking. Ey told him about eir crew. About how ey’d been taken...ey were so young...and eir discharge...how ey’d joined the Renegades to atone. His heart lifted again as he realized that ey weren’t going to take him back after all. That he’d jumped to conclusions.

Jace tore eir eyes away from his, the tears barely held back. “I’ve never told anyone… Not even Castor or Tyde. Swore I never would. But you deserve honesty…. from  me most of all. You said you love me… You deserve to know that what you love is a carefully constructed lie. We were never supposed to go this far...and while I’m deeply regretful of every lie I’ve ever spun...every hurt I’ve caused you in the world, that is not something I will ever regret. Us. Even if it’s to end now.”

Nyar was silent for several moments, his mind reeling. Jace was crying, silently, hands gripping the back of the couch. Nyar took a step forward, hesitantly, afraid that ey would back away from him. He took eir wrist in his hand, turning it over and running his thumb over the six stripes there. He looked back up at Jace now, leaning down to kiss em. He pulled em around the couch, motioning for em to sit down next to him. Once they were both sitting, he took both eir hands in his and licked his lips, laughing a little as he tried to decide where to start. 

“You...You said at least I deserted. That there was some honor in that. I didn’t want to leave, Jace. I would have stayed in the Regiment until the day I died. If it weren’t for my crew.” He shook his head a little, “But that’s--that’s not important right now. What is important is that this,” he squeezed Jace’s hands a little, “Us? This isn’t going to end. Not over this. I mean look at how far we’ve come. I have grown so much since I met you. And you’ve been here through it all, even though most people would have turned and ran, you’ve put up with so much.” He laughed. “And I’m not in love with a lie. I’m in love with you.” 

Jace shook eir head and started to speak, but Nyar leaned forward, stopping the words with a kiss.

“I mean it. I love you. I’m in love with you, with all of you. With you now, with who you’ve become, with who you are...Jace, it’s going to take a lot more than just a past in the Regiment to get rid of me.”

Jace laughed a little and eir arms wrapped around his neck. Nyar wrapped his arms around Jace, running his fingers through eir hair as ey cried, face buried in his neck. He held em for a long time, before he pulled em so that the two of them were lying on the couch, Jace lying on Nyar’s chest. His fingers traced up and down eir spine, and he pressed a kiss to eir temple. He wanted to ask em about the brand, wanted to trace his fingers over it and kiss away the pain that he knew must still haunt em; if it was anything like his own. But he kept his hand in the middle of eir back. Ey would show him the scar when ey were ready. He sighed a little, wondering if he would ever be ready to show em his own scars. After another ten minuets, Jace shifted, propping emselves up so that they could look at Nyar. Ey leaned forward, kissing him gently. 

“Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

“Do you mean it?”

Nyar frowned a little as Jace’s hand rested on his chest. “Mean what?”

“That you love me?”

Nyar smiled, his hand reaching up and taking Jace’s. “Of course I do.” He kissed em and smiled, “I love you very much. You’re my best friend, and my lover, and I would move mountains for you.”

Jace laid back down, resting eir head on his chest. “That’s the sappiest, cheesiest shit I’ve ever heard. But I love you too, you dumb idiot.”

Nyar laughed a little, rolling his eyes. 

Nyar’s fingers ran up and down Jace’s forearm for a while before he wrapped his fingers around eir hand, twisting it so that he could see the six marks there. He traced each one gently with his thumb. He swallowed hard, biting his lip a little.

“Tell me about them?” He finally asked, his voice just above a whisper. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But I’d like--I’d like to know your crew.”

Jace bit eir lip, looking at eir wrist as well. Ey sighed a little, blinking away a few more tears. “They were my family. I loved them, more than anything.” Ey finally said.

[childrenoflight-darkness-nothing]

"i take orders from your father, not you."

-----

Jace eyed down the length of eir blade as ey held it out, ey turned eir wrist flipping the sword over after a minute or so. The steel in excellent condition as ey sheathed it back in eir scabbard eith one fluid motion, just as ey knew it would be. But ey were bored, truly, as stood waiting outside the room Nyar had locked himself in two hours before.

Nothing could be heard from inside the room, a truth that ey tried not to let worry em. Though if Jace knew the prince to be any less capable of a warrior, ey would have already broken into the room.

The door was locked.

Ey'd checked precisely fifteen minutes after being locked on the wrong side of it. And every fifteen minutes since.

Jace groaned a little, pushing off of eir spot leaned against the chiseled stone by the door way and facing the the knob with a bit of a scowl. It wasn't that ey didn't trust Nyar, or believe that he was entitled to some privacy that wasn't when he was locked safely in his chambers at night with a guard posted at the door.

But nothing about this felt right.

He hadn't let em check the room, truly all ey knew about it was that it was some office seldom used and appointed to no one. A room apparently sound protected... He hadn't let em see who he was meeting with, if he was even meeting with anyone at all.

None of this sat right on eir chest.

Jace sighed, a hand hovered over the door knob and the other over eir pocket where ey kept the tools ey'd need to pick through the lock. Eyes closing as ey imagined the prince trapped in any number of situations.

Tied and gagged. A knife at his throat. Lying dead in a pool of his own blood, a window open and the only trace of an escaping assassin.

Ey broke through the door without any more deliberation.

Nyar spun around, a pouch of coins still clutched in his hand where he'd been about to place it in the outstretched palm of a woman. A very attractive, very indecently dressed—in the eyes of court—woman.

Jace didn't come any further into the room than the doorway. Certain now, as ey struggled to say something to explain eir presence, that ey didn't want to know anything further about what had just taken place.

"I thought I told you to stay outside, Captain."

Nyar was cold, rightfully so at that interruption. But his current resemblance to his father, struck em harder than the tone. "I worried for your safety, my lord. I know see there was no need for concern, you were well... taken care of."

"Your order was not protection, it was to wait."

Jace's expression hardened over. Tone nearly matching Nyar's. "I take order's from your father, not you. And his order is always your protection."

And with that ey turned on eir heel and left the room.

Over reacting. Jace knew ey were over reacting as ey stalked down the hall, and waved for one of eir other guards to abandon a less important post to take over as Nyar's guard. To which they readily complied.

Ey shook eir head, brushing eir hair back from where it had fallen into eir face as ey continued down the hall. Ey felt hot, temper from being scolded or embarrassment for what ey'd witnessed the end of... Jace wasn't sure. It didn't really matter ey supposed.

Protection. Protect the crown. Protect the last remaining heir. Protect Nyar. That was eir order. Eir one single duty.

He'd always allowed em that. And ey had always done what ey could to allow him what privacies and normalcies ey could that didn't get in the way of that.

Two hours...

Gods.

Footsteps sounded behind em. Nyars, ey recognized, rushing to catch up. The guard's a few steps behind.

"Jace. Jace, wait."

Ey didn't stop. Ey didn't turn. And it wasn't lost on em that that small refusal, in other courts or with anyone else, could in fact cost em eir head. Or in the smallest, eir position.

"That wasn't what you think you think it was."

Jace stopped then, Nyar only a few paces away as ey turned to face him. "It doesn't really matter what I think it was, my only concern, as stated before, is your safety. And as long as that is assured, what you do or do not... remains your own business, your highness."

Nyar stopped, turning a little to dismiss the guard who bowed before scurrying off before Jace could get the order out for him to stay. Nyar sighed a little, "I shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm sorry."

"You're allowed to speak to me in whatever manner suits you, your highness."

"No," he said, falling a little short on saying anything else. He didn't like it, Jace standing before him like that. Proper and polite. Posture tight and expression blank and words coated with the same fake respect he recieved from everyone just because of his title. "We both know that's not true, you always put me in my place."

Jace didn't say anything, only watched as Nyar sighed and his shoulders slumped. Eir hands kept tightly behind eir back.

"This is something else then? What you seen in there, it wasn't what it looked like, I promise."

"Why would it matter to me if it was?" Jace finally asked, turning eir head for a moment before looking back with an unreadable expression. Ey weren't sure what ey felt. "You're certainly allowed, and it certainly doesn't involve or effect me. I'm not sure why you keep insisting I'd hold an opinion on the company you keep. Or what you do with that company."

"Jace, it was business."

"Coin for services rendered, I'm aware."

"Coin," he said, "in exchange for information."

He was softer now, softer than he'd been back when ey'd broken into his meeting. Begging em not to ask anything further. Eyes closer to the friend ey had come to know and—Jace shook eir head, it really didn't matter. Any of it.

"Why do you care?"

"I don't," ey said, eir tone hard and almost dure if it didn't sound so forced. If ey hadn't said it so quickly.

[childrenoflight-darkness-nothing]

“What’s this?” Nyar reached out a curious hand, toying at the chain that now hung from his guards neck. And the ring attached it. His brow furrowed as he took it in. It was a simple band. Little more than a twist of thorns; aged and well worn. And it could have easily passed as a family heirloom. Something passed down through countless generations.

Though he knew from his time with em, that Jace had no family to even speak of. And ey had never been the jewelry type. Not unless it was for some party or gala that he insisted ey attend. Not as a guard, but as a guest.

Jace took a breath before ey respond, forcefully keeping eir tone light. Composed. If the hard crease in eir brow was anything to go by. Or the way eir eyes closed in an attempt to keep eir voice steady. “A token of affection, my lord… From my betrothed.”

He dropped the ring like it had burned him. And Jace took the opportunity to take a step back, brown eyes flashing gold in the torch light around them both as a mask settled around eir features.

This was for the best. Jace had known that as soon as the opportunity had been presented to em by the queen yesterday evening. It would with any luck silence at least some of the rumors of a scandalous affair between them both.

Even if nothing between them had happened. Even if it never could. The court would still talk. And with that talk came the queens wrath.

Wrath Jace knew Nyar had been on the receiving end of more than a few times.

And. Without thoughts turning treasonous. This was one of the only ways ey could protect him from it.

Jace ducked eir head, refusing to meet his gaze. “Lord Muyskens extended his hand. And I--I accepted.”

“It’s an advantageous match,” ey continued when eir prince remained silent. They weren’t eir words. And they both knew it as the reasons fell thick from eir tongue like a script. It was the very same reasons Lillian had given em the night before when the idea was proposed. Though it truly wasn’t needed. One mention of Nyar and the rumours and the cold steel in her gaze was enough for Jace to go along with whatever it was she wanted. Her true meaning and threats were easy enough for the guard to read. “I’ll rise farther in station than I ever could have hoped. My future secured.”

The words ey spoke to him only a few days prior ringing clearly through the air.

I have little need for land or titles; or a family. I do not stay because I feel I have no choice in the matter.

It was another moment of silence between them both. Though as Jace squared eir shoulders ey didn’t even give him a moment to even try and find something to say. Another breath and ey cleared eir throat. The sound cutting through the tension as ey met his gaze. Something hard and unreadable flashing though them both.

“I’ve already begun looking for my replacement.” The words cut through him just as easily as if they'd been a knife. “Someone I… Someone you can trust. I hope to be able to present you with a list of options soon, my lord.”

Ey offered him a bow. A short clip of eir head, and just like that ey were gone.

[childrenoflight-darkness-nothing]

[childrenoflight-darkness-nothing]

Some Jace and Nyar Headcannons...

Not exactly what most people would call friends

More like rivals to “friends” 20k slowburn

Probably akin to one of those “Hufflepuff adopts the slytherin” headcannons. But instead it’s more like Hufflepuff wants to see how far they can go before they really ruffle slytherins feathers and it just turns into an unlikely friendship of sorts

And also not hogwarts au

Just using the analogy

And also, I don’t know how the entire stringed instrument/orchestra/musician thing works and I’m too tired to research it so like bear with me here on some of these

I also don’t know the exacts of Nyar and his music playing in the au

But recitals/concerts were mentioned once so we’re rolling with it

Okay so music hall, orchestral hall I’m picturing like a ballet company but with instruments here just so you have a mental image of what I’m talking about

Jace and Nyar get paired together often

Cuz they’re both good

Like really good

But put them together???? You will cry. It’ll be beautiful

At first it’s just Jace on piano and Nyar with his violin. Piano guys esque

Until he catches em playing violin once

And then from there it turns into.... picture piano guys cello wars but violins.

But back on track

They get paired together often for duets/what have you

And Nyar in all his stoic captain of the regimentness taking practice 100% completely seriously

And Jace is taking it seriously too until there’s a pause in eir part and em just. shifts. to playing something else hoping to catch him off guard and make him stumble.

But Nyar of course doesn’t and just rolls with it

Though perhaps a little bit grumpily (I don’t know him enough to say for sure)

And from there it turns into a sort of game

How far can Jace go before Nyar *does* stumble/lose it

And unlikely friendship forms from there!

Also should be noted Jace would 100% not put up with any bigoted or racist remarks... so like maybe slowly turning Nyar into a better person too????

jace ain’t afraid to punch someone

[childrenoflight-darkness-nothing]

Morning After

Jace awoke with the sun. Soft tendrils of light peeking into the room through the curtains and splashing over eir face. It wasn’t the normal way ey woke up, squinting into the light and feeling warm and well rested. At peace for once from the dreams that plagued eir every attempt at rest, and Jace was certain it’d only be a short reprieve ey were granted.

Though ey were grateful for it, even if it only proved to last for the few short hours ey’d slept since Nyar had crept into eir room late the night before with tears dried on his face and shame weighing down his shoulders.

Eir fingers traced absently over a stray scar across his shoulder blade; this one different from the rest. Separate. From where the whip had no doubt curled around his shoulder instead of following the others across his back. Even in sleep Nyar’s breath hitched as eir fingers followed the ridges of it, and Jace could only guess at the pain of it.

The memories more than anything.

Jace had been through plenty of horrors emself throughout the years. Tortures ey had only ever hinted at, if ey’d ever said anything about them at all. But Jace had never been turned into a spectacle. Beaten while others watched. A crowd jeering while loved ones stood powerless on the sidelines.

Tortured while loved ones were forced to watch? Yes. Beaten? Yes. Within an inch of eir life more times than ey’d like to admit. And ey’d be hard pressed to admit it to anyone… Nyar included. He didn’t need to be weighed down by the wounds of eir past anymore than he already was.

He had plenty enough to carry on his own.

Eir grip tightened around him for a moment. Somehow in the night they’d both switched places. Jace no longer curled into his chest, his arm wrapped around eir back. Instead now he held loosely onto eir waist, his head tucked beneath eir arm and resting on eir shoulder. Jace laid nearly flat on eir back beneath him. Ey placed a kiss on top of his head hoping not to disturb him as rage bubbled beneath eir skin and silent promises were made.

Jace had made promises to him last night, yes. Promises that the Regiment would never get him back, and if they tried there wasn’t anything that would stop em from getting him back.

But it was hardly enough.

If ever eir resolve for the Renegades cause was hardened it was now. Plenty had suffered at the Regiments hand and plenty would even still. But not him. Not Nyar. Not anyone else ey cared about. Never again.

Jace would take down the entire regime emself if ey had to.

But that wasn’t what was needed now. Eir anger. Eir indignation at all of the horrors he’d suffered. It wasn’t what Nyar needed.

And so ey forced it to quiet.

There was time enough for it later. For now ey pressed another kiss to his head, this one right at his hairline, before gently sliding out from his arms. Jace did eir best not to wake him, though he stirred slightly. Hands gripping the bedsheets in the spot ey’d vacated.

Jace only allowed emself a breath once Nyar had stilled, his breathing evening out once again. As ey watched him ey hoped he was finding the same peace ey’d been allowed from eir dreams for the night.

He deserved that much. More than most.

----

Jace wasn’t sure quite what had pulled em from the bed. Could only describe it as an itching in eir bones. An uneasiness that found em whenever ey sat idle for too long. But as ey stood in the kitchen buttering a piece of lightly toasted bread, ey missed his warmth. And wished ey hadn’t hesitated with grabbing his discarded shirt off the floor.

If anything at least it would cover the scars on eir back, the ones on eir shoulder blades on full display around the straps of eir tank top. Simple, black, and form fitting. And what Jace almost always wore to bed along with a pair of grey sweats. But standing there now in the kitchen ey felt almost too exposed.

Vulnerable in places only ever opened to one person before. And if he’d ever cared it was only with how that vulnerability might be used as a weapon in his favor. Eir past just something else to be added to his arsenal.

Jace shuddered. From cold or something else, well Jace didn’t care to ponder. But ey paused in eir task either way, carefully setting the knife ey were using down on the edge of a plate. Bread crumbs were wiped on a towel before ey strode into the living room, eir hands grabbing at a hoodie discarded on the back of the couch.

Ey weren’t sure who’s it was as ey pulled it over eir head. Couldn’t find emself to care really. But with eir arms drowning in the sleeves as ey were, it was undoubtedly Nyar’s.

Jace forced a breath, closing eir eyes. And when they opened again Nyar stood before em, having stepped out of eir room and into the hallway that connected their rooms to the rest of the apartment.

He seemed troubled, in the sense of someone who had just laid their soul bare and were unsure of what to do now, but more well rested than Jace could ever remember having seen him.

“Morning,” he said and Jace echoed the sentiment a moment later, forcing a smile that ey hoped felt genuine and that accurately portrayed everything ey wanted to say but couldn’t quite find the words for.

You're safe with me. Your past is safe with me. And it won’t ever be used as a weapon to hurt you, not by me. Not by anyone if I can help it.

The sentiment seemed enough, even if it remained unspoken as they both found their way into the kitchen. A calm sort of peace fell over them both while Nyar poured coffee and Jace settled onto the counter with eir toast.

And Jace wasn’t sure ey’d ever get used to it; the peace. A part of them forever waiting for a pin to drop and for everything to turn in on itself. But ey wanted it, that peace as Nyar leaned up against the counter beside em. His arm brushing eir thigh as he sipped on his coffee. Ey wanted it.

And ey did eir best to ignore that voice in the back of eir head that told em it wouldn’t last.