soul check
hello, i’m back again.
this week, i was not in a good place mentally i.e not mentally sharp.
august came as a surprise with mixed feelings, waves of lethargic-ness, sleep disturbances as i come here after eating quite a bit of chocolate.
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in my last post, i talked about SPIRITUAL REVIVAL.
i have been poor at ‘be-ing’ motivated, consistent, persistent and disciplined in the past few weeks.
i fell back into my non-structured days after doing a two week partial fast.
i didn’t know that i could fall back so easily.
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although, our Spiritual Father’s love is bigger than I could feel, think, imagine and comprehend.
i still see bible scripture notifications and God’s gifts, hidden gifts every day and i will admit i have not taken this is me whole-heartedly.
my heart has been tinkled with cultural entertainment
but at the same time -
been still given the opportunity to seek God as I wake in the early hours of the morning, with a subtle feeling that the Spirit in me is willing -- but my carnal body is weak.
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perhaps #lockdown is a training ground
it feels like a waiting room
a place to re-call, re-member, re-flect
but also to try, test and practice new ways to connect with our Heavenly Father.
i have failed and not ‘performed’ well
nonetheless, i have allowed this pruning process to happen.
it use to be self-motivation and by self effort
now i can sense that the Spirit wants to co-labour in me
the call of faith is as sweet and soft
yet i miss many opportunities
i once understood growing spiritually as a ‘perfectionist’ sees it
but i found through this that i am refined by the Creator along each step
it’s the intention, heart and meekness that i am most satisfied by the God of the Bible
call me weak that i use the concept of a Creator to help me
but i have witnessed the ‘living water’ of God’s word manifested in my daily life and i can’t go back to my sleeping state